July 15 is National Carnage Day

We saw Yasmin Reza's God of Carnage today at the Carlos P. Romulo Auditorium. I was with Veck, and our friends JM and Patty, Jeff and Geli, Louise, Liz and Dannie. For some of them, this was the first time they get to see Lea Salonga to perform live in the theater!

Of course, AFLS (Manila chapter) was in attendance, too. It was fun to see again Jacq, Betsy, Jeff, Edcel, Jojo, Anna, Noel and Tin.

We saw four musical theater superstars on the stage tackling a straight play: Lea Salonga, Menchu Lauchengco-Yulo, Adrian Pang and Art Acuna.

We had a lot of fun watching the show. I know all of you theatergoers out there wouldn't want to miss this production!

Afterwards, we took pictures with Lea. Lea said she wasn't accustomed to seeing me with a beard. I said I was trying to look older. She said, "Good luck with that!" Haha! Well, Lea doesn't look like she's in her mid-twenties!

Afterwards, Dannie suggested we eat at Marciano's, and we did. Veck and I had Autumn in New York salad, which had calamares and shrimp. I loved it. We also had eggplant parmigiana, and the waiter educated me that you don't pronounce the 'a' sound in parmigiana. We also shared the pizza.

What a weekend that was. We just got a BB for me, plus the play, plus eating out. Yikes! I'd have to take some OT work so that we don't dip into our savings because of these extravagant spending! But anything for theater!

Oh, I hope I can step onstage again!

Congrats to the cast of God of Carnage! And to Tin for a sold-out show! Woof! Woof!

Grace calls

To make ends meet as an artist and family man, I took on a job at a call center. I have been working for this company for about seven months now, and I am actually enjoying it. I am thankful for it because God uses this job as a channel of His provisions for us.

Anyway, I do want to talk about my call center job a bit. I was thinking how I can integrate my core values of truth and integrity on the stage and in life into corporate job of dealing with customers over the phone.

Now customers would not always be nice or jovial or at least courteous. Some would be righteously or wrongfully frustrated, rude, uneducated... They complain, grumble, vent out, or worse, mumble. (I have bias against lazy speakers.)

Usually, when I get a less than pleasant customer, I just switch off. I build a wall. I distance myself. I become passive-agressive. I get filled with thoughts like: "Oh, God. I'm not your psychiatrist. Nor your parent. It's not my fault you got low EQ."

Anyhow, this attitude of mine is not going well with my scores at work. I know I can do better and engage the customers in a friendlier manner, but if I do that to every person I talk to I'd be depleted! My energy reserves would dry up.

So, I was thinking a lot about this, and how I'm so passionate for theater even though I haven't always been treated right there. And how, when this call center company is treating me right, I'm not giving them 100% of what I give to the theater.

I was looking for a sense of integration. Then it hit me: Grace. Grace. I don't deserve it, but I received it. Grace. If I can dispense grace to every caller, treat them not as I think they deserve, but as grace would treat them, then I'll be better off.

And since God is the Author of grace, if I connect with Him, branch to the Vine, then I'll never be depleted of grace reserves.
I think I ought to appropriate this grace through prayer. "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever" (Psalm 23).

Admitting my fears

I woke up from a bad dream earlier this afternoon. In it, I lived alone in a cramped flat, not at all the spacious home I share with my wife and daughter. The room is badly lit, as if shoved into a dark corner of a tenement building where little sunlight can seep through. There were cabinets set up everywhere, making the whole place a labyrinth even in its crampedness.

I was in one of the inner rooms when a stranger with dyed red hair appeared. I felt insecure, invaded, threatened. I knew this person had malicious intent: to steal, maybe? To murder?

I tried my best to hide a wall but when I looked, there we were, staring at each other through either side of a small glass paned window. His left eye was completely white and blind.

He stood there, motionless, as if trying to watch how I'd react. His defiant stillness was almost mocking my apparent lack of courage. He slowly turned to walk away. That's when I ran. I wanted to catch him. But he was out before I could get to him in the labyrinthine maze of the small room.

Then I woke up.

The dream led me to thinking about my worst fears. What are the things I am most afraid of? Would it be the safety of my household? That someone in the middle of the night would break in and harm my family while I was away at work? I keep telling Veck to keep the porch light on through the night but she's so stubborn. Is it the fear that Dana would go through the same horrors I did when I was a teenager?

Then I realized what my real fears were. I am afraid Veck and I would have a quarrel so bad she would pack up and leave. That I'll never see Dana again. I am afraid Veck would find another man. And worse, be happier with the other person.

I'm afraid to live alone, a once-married man, and suddenly wrenched out of my most precious relationships into a lonely bachelorhood. I guess, in this way, I am afraid to be my Dad. My Mom left us when we were young. I was afraid history would repeat. I guess pain seared in the hearts and minds of the very young do last a lifetime.

They say it's good to face your fears. To embrace them. To accept them as part of who you are.

A close friend of mine will go under the knife on 29 July this year. They found a cyst in her ovary and they have to take it out. She's had this same operation before. But that doesn't make things easier for her. She said she's afraid to be put to sleep during the surgery. I asked why. She said she's afraid she won't wake up.

My friend is a single mom. Her son is two years old. Suddenly I'm glad I don't have to be onstage on 29 July, trying to pretend to be happy when in the back of my mind I'm thinking about the operation.

Buddhism teaches we're all impermanent. Christianity teaches that Heaven and earth will pass away, but not God's Word that says we were created for eternity. In between impermanence and eternity we all live our lives through the sorrows and suffering and senselessness of our fears, imagined or real. Arthur Koestler said, "Courage is never to let your actions be influenced by your fears."

Oh, rejection!

Well, here's a small heartbreak.

I'm not doing Tj Domingo again after all. Jmee Katanyag of the Philippine Educational Theater Association (PETA), sent me an sms message earlier today telling me they chose a different actor to do the role. Oh, boy. And of all things I was thinking of my friends who already reserved tickets. How disappointed they would get. I didn't even think of my own disappointment.

But I guess, that's that. About a week ago I received an sms from Aaron Deniega, our SM, regarding rehearsal schedules. Just like that, I was back in the loop again. Norbs Portales III even texted me, "Welcome back."

I was out to buy Tj a new bag and some new shirts, as what I used in last year's run are old. I applied for leaves from work. I did some promoting and got friends to watch it. I read through the script again and tried to recall the lines and some of the steps. And then boom! They're not getting me.

Any theater company has the right to choose which set of actors they want to be in their show. But this just bums, can I say? Yeah, this bums. What a letdown. They chose a different actor to do the six shows (I was set to do only three) and what does that make me think? PETA doesn't want my services.

It would've been more decent if I received a call, but no, an sms should suffice. Makes me think twice about auditioning for future productions, much less supporting their shows. This just bums.

I wonder if I just got a slice of how Jesus feels when we choose other loves before Him.

My friends were, naturally, indignant. (Thank you! I love you! Real friends are hard to find and I got a chestful!) They sent comforting messages. And there'll be other plays. Theater lives on. Theater breathes. And I'll continue to breathe.

Sally Field is quoted to having said, "It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes." And there is wisdom there for every true actor and artist. Too often we judge ourselves by others' accolades/reviews/remarks. This injury, I think, warrants another round of TAW.

What I am thankful of is that I was able to text back: "Parang ayaw ko na magPETA." This is light years ahead of me. I can't believe I actually said that on my own behalf, but I did. And I'm glad. That was a gut feel reaction and I took the courage to express it. It wasn't meant to manipulate or change any present circumstance. It was to free what I truly felt inside.

When you feel people passed you over

Genesis 47.23-26
Then Joseph said to the people, "Look, today I have bought you and your land for Pharaoh. I will provide you with seed so you can plant the fields.24 Then when you harvest it, one-fifth of your crop will belong to Pharaoh. You may keep the remaining four-fifths as seed for your fields and as food for you, your households, and your little ones."

"You have saved our lives!" they exclaimed. "May it please you, my lord, to let us be Pharaoh's servants." Joseph then issued a decree still in effect in the land of Egypt, that Pharaoh should receive one-fifth of all the crops grown on his land. Only the land belonging to the priests was not given to Pharaoh.

Exodus 1.8-11
Eventually, a new king came to power in Egypt who knew nothing about Joseph or what he had done. He said to his people, "Look, the people of Israel now outnumber us and are stronger than we are.10 We must make a plan to keep them from growing even more. If we don't, and if war breaks out, they will join our enemies and fight against us. Then they will escape from the country."

So the Egyptians made the Israelites their slaves. They appointed brutal slave drivers over them, hoping to wear them down with crushing labor. They forced them to build the cities of Pithom and Rameses as supply centers for the king.
(New Living Translation)

If you find yourself in a situation where people whom you have greatly helped in the past has forgotten your contributions, you feel neglected, taken for granted, take comfort. It has happened before. To the best of us.

Just go to your easel, your journal, your guitar or drums, and create, create, create! Out of the pain of neglect, create. Through your art, remember, help others remember, and then let go. It is a lesson in detachment. You have this moment. The past is past. Today is what matters, and from this moment, you have your breath, and you can create.

Your unique story

And just like that, I finished (re-)reading Genesis today. This time around, however, what hooked me were the lives of Jacob and his son, Joseph. This blog entry is not about their lives, though. This entry is more about your unique story.

I was talking about this with Jeff at length one day. I asked him if someone has shared the Gospel with him. He replied, "Yes." I asked him to tell me what the Gospel is as he believed it to be. He said one time when he was in Baguio with a friend, a young man giving out fliers came to them and said that God created only men and women, not third sex. I thought, "That's not the Gospel." So I told Jeff, "Can I tell you what the Gospel is?" He nodded.

Somehow I used the story of Adam and Eve as the springboard of the Gospel story. I told Jeff about God's love. About Creation. About His relationship with Adam and Eve. About their fall, and the fall of mankind. About God's promise to Eve for a son who will crush the head of the serpent.

I went on to tell about Abraham and God's promise to him and his wife that He will give them a son, and how Abraham believed God completely. God fulfilled His promise when Abraham was 100, and Sarah gave birth to Isaac when she was 90.

I told Jeff about Isaac, and Jacob, who wrestled with God and whose name was changed to Israel. I went on to tell about the people of Israel. I wanted to tell him, too, about the stories of Joseph, and the Hebrews' slavery in Egypt, but I got too excited. I told Jeff about Moses seeing God's back and hearing Him say His name. I told Jeff about Gideon, the coward turned victorious warrior. I told him story after story until I came to Jesus.

I told Jeff about Jesus' perfect life, His relationship with the Father, some of the miracles He performed. I told him about Jesus fulfilling all the prophesies pertaining to the coming Messiah. I told him about Jesus' death, and what it meant for our justification. I told him about Jesus' resurrection, and what it meant for our sanctification.

I told him about Peter walking on water. Saul the murderer becoming blind, and then seeing again with the eyes of his heart. I told him how Saul became Paul, the missionary. I told him about David who wrote song after song after song for God. I told him about Hannah, who prayed to have a son, and God granted her request. Samuel was one of the greatest prophets of Israel. I wanted to go on and on about Elijah. And Ezekiel. And Jeremiah.

It was then that I realized something. I told Jeff, the only things common to all these people and true Christians is that God loves them, and that they came to a point in their life that they surrendered to God's magnanimous love, and placed their full faith in Jesus, the way Abraham placed his faith in God. I told him about Jesus knocking on the door of our hearts and wanting to be our closest friend (Revelation 3:20).

I told him about the many metaphors of our relationship with God: Potter and clay, Shepherd and lamb, Father and child, Husband and bride.

But then everyone's story with God is always a unique story. It never repeats. No one else walked on water. That was just between God and Peter, something special for them. No one else heard God whisper after the thunderstorms and earthquakes and fires. That was just between Elijah and God. God never repeats. There are common underlying themes, but the plots, He creates a new, unique and special relationship with each one.

I went on to tell Jeff about my special, unique story with God. How God saved Veck, Dana and myself from Ondoy. And that's just one story. I told him about my special song for God: "Blessed be Your Name." I told him, God has a special plot for his life, too, just something between himself and God, if only Jeff would allow himself to totally abandon himself to the love of God expressed in Jesus Christ.

Each one of us has a unique story. An intimacy shared only between you and the Creator of the universe.

William 2012!

Ron Capinding's William is back on stage! Gawad Buhay winner for Outstanding Play, Outstanding Ensemble Performance, and Outstanding Original Script, William is the story of familiarizes young people with the beauty of Shakespeare’s works and re-invents the Bard using rap rhythm and hip-hop beats.

Directed by Maribel Legarda, William touches on themes of adolescence, parents’ unconditional love and friendship and promotes respect for teachers and classmates, and advocates love for reading and appreciating literature—Shakespeare or not.

That, and I'm part of the cast. So please watch! Limited one-weekend-rerun only!

Watch William on these dates and times. Schedules in bold are my performance dates.

July 27, Friday, 10AM.
July 27, Friday, 3PM
July 28, Saturday, 10AM
July 28, Saturday, 3PM
July 29, Sunday, 10AM
July 29, Sunday, 3PM

See you at the Theater! For ticket information, visit PETA online.

Before this eats me up

I am inspired very much by what Gibbs Cadiz wrote about the late Mario O'Hara. Gibbs showed Mario as having zero ego, which is, as evidenced by his prolific life, the key to prodigious creating.

More and more I see how egocentric actors bring ruin to any performance. Anytime one's looks/talent/career becomes more important to him than telling the story of the play and the character as truthfully as you can, then you're lost. It's a comon trap, but a vicious one.

I remember Dr Anton Juan holding up two ideals in the Theatre: Simplicity and Clarity. Both ward off egotism. Both lead to Truth and Art. I struggled against this during my rebellious student years, but now these are the very standards I pit myself against each time I am given the opportunity (privilege!) to stand on the stage.

I once worked with an actor with a huge ego. If I were to post a litany of the many grievances "actor" has caused me I'd be writing a book. So let me just choose the ones that fellow actors would understand. I remember one time we were rehearsing. This "actor" kept stepping in and out of the rehearsal hall whilst we were trying to run the traffic of a scene. When I pointed it out, "actor" said: "Shut up!" Way to go for courtesy. Whatever was "actor" doing stepping out? Oh, I know, flirting with another actor s/he has hots for.

I refer to *it as "actor" because I don't want to shame that wonderful profession with *its misbehavior. You try your best to get in an audition. When you get in, you do your best to deserve the role given you. This "actor" does not deserve to be called the same title we attribute to the likes of Ian McKellen, Judi Dench, Lea Salonga, Gary Oldman, Mario O'Hara.

At another time, during a show, this "actor" began saying I was changing the blocking and hurting *it on the stage. I know I wasn't doing anything unusual, except that I know how careful "actor" is with how *it looks on the stage. *It doesn't want to look less of a celebrity on stage. In short, "actor" is more concerned about ego than the story of the play.

"Actor" began throwing a nasty tantrum backstage, and spreading lies about me to the other actors, thus creating negative energy backstage. At another scene, "actor" pushed me back on my tummy... something *it wasn't supposed to do. I was caught off guard as this wasn't rehearsed that I almost doubled over and fell off the edge of the stage.

Then "actor" changed *its blocking so that at one crucial moment, my fist would land on *its head instead of safely away just as we rehearsed.

I was so pissed off. In the meantime, I kept to myself, quietly, as all around me, all of "actor" and *its gang of cool upstart wannabes talked behind my back and conspired against me. Instructed by Spirit not to defend myself, I kept quiet and prayed constantly.

During intermission, the stage manager had to call for a company call. He was hearing all sorts of negative talk and accusations against my person over the mics that were pasted to our heads. These talk was generated by none other by "actor" *itself. The stage manager wanted to know what was going on. So the "actor" laid it on, really thick, all the reasons why I am evil and unprofessional. In the meantime, Spirit within me said, "Don't defend yourself. Be quiet." So I said nothing. I knew I was just victim for the day, the battery for *its self-serving schemes.

Finally, the sound designer and one of my closest friends approached me secretly and said, "You are the bigger man. You are the better person. You know what to do."

I hate it when my friends are right, but I love them for their courage to come to me and be forthright with it. Loyal friends are gems.

I approached "actor" and told *it the last thing I wanted to say. I said, "Sorry." I hugged "actor." And "actor" did the strangest thing. "Actor" hugged me back and began brushing *its thigh up and down my crotch, as if to feel my size. Oh, God! I knew it. This guy wasn't sincere all along. This person isn't even human.

I quickly disengaged myself and thought, "Well, that's the end of the matter, I hope. I hate this person and I hate his gang of stupid posses."

Then the production manager called us both on a meeting after the show. "Not again," I told myself. The production manager wanted to hear the story for herself. And on and on again the "actor" droned *its sorry self-pitying story of how I abusive I was onstage. I was seething inside. Again, Spirit whispered, "I got your back. Don't say anything in your defense.

The production manager then turned to me for my side of the story. I didn't say anything. Then she said the most surprising thing ever. She turned to actor and said, "What you did was wrong. You were extremely unprofessional. How dare you spread all sorts of rumours over the mic about Rico? How dare you raise up negative energy? If you have a problem, you approach the right channel. You talk to the person, and not to other people who are neither part of the problem nor the solution."

I was dumbfounded. And extremely grateful. I knew the meaning of grace. The production manager turned to me and said kindly, "If you encounter any problems, come to me."

Wow. And yeah, I'm writing it now because this story keeps repeating in my head and maybe I just need to let it out. Maybe I need to let someone out there, my invisible readers, the true story. I told my wife about this and she was so angry. I love that. I told another friend. That was good, too. So now, I'm telling you.

I shouldn't care about ego, and should be wary about "actors" who care for nothing else but their own. There are actors like Mario O'Hara and other countless giants who selflessly served in the Theater. That's the kind of Actor I want to be like.

One time, after a show, this "actor" complained mercilessly to an usher about a student in the audience who, *it claimed, was not paying attention to *its monologue. "Actor" had this student called to the stage door and said stuff like, "Do you have any idea how difficult it is to stand there and say a line? And you have the gall na bastusin ako?!"

That student got so traumatized. She told her teacher that she never wanted to see Theatre shows ever again. The teacher asked why. When she found out what happened to her student, the teacher reported to the principal. The principal was so angry she pulled out 4500 students who were scheduled to watch succeeding shows.

Ego is the enemy of the Theatre.

Dana's favorite game series: Bili Books!

Dana plays a lot of pretend games. The ones she likes to repeat a lot are scenes from the musical Annie. She would march around mimicking "It's a hard knock life... for us... It's a hard knock life... for us... No one cares for you, a snitch... When you're in an orphanage..."

That would be my signal to do a Carol Burnett and say, "You're hiding something from Miss Hannigan behind your back!"

The cutest scene is when she tries to sing Molly's part in "You're never fully dressed without a smile." I guess she's at that age when they want to mimic almost anything they find interesting.

So, this is another blog entry about a game Dana invented. She calls it "Bili Books." She gathers all her books together in a small bag that has the top open. She fills the pockets on the sides with all sorts of pencils and pens. Then she declares, "Bili Books!"

I am then supposed to come over, choose a book I want to read, and point it out to her. It doesn't matter which book because she almost always inadvertently chooses the book she'll lend out anyway. Haha! So even if I point at say her Counting 1-2-3 book, she'll say, "Oh, you want to read 'Bath Time'?"

Then you'll have to mime handing her some coins. She'll gladly accept them as if that's the whole reason she set up her bookstore in the first place. She picks up your book 'choice,' then proceeds to stamp it. She'll get a pen, one after the other, and point it at the book, sounding each one with a loud "Chirp! Chirp! Chirp!"

After she goes through all her pens, she happily hands over to you your book which you should commence to read in front of her. But before you can finish reading it, she goes, "Time's up!" You'll have to hand the book bag to her. She stashes it back in her bag and then announces, "Bili Books!" For another round of this game.

We repeat the whole thing several times, and I tell you, I don't get tired of it.

Yesterday afternoon, I needed to sleep, and Dana just set up her shop. Veck said, "Let Daddy sleep! He has work tonight." But Dana wouldn't have any of that. She wanted to play with her Daddy and play she would. Veck threatened to bring out the dreaded hanger for spanking. Dana rushed to her mommy and said, "Friends... Friends tayo... no spanking, please."

Oh, it's too cute! So Dana says, "Sad si Dana. Angry si Mommy. Friends lang."

Veck says, "Okay, but you let Daddy sleep. And if you sleep, too, Mommy won't be angry anymore."

"Opo! Dana is happy!" I heard my daughter say. I think they exchanged hugs at that point but I wasn't sure. I drifted off to sleep. I woke up to my phone's alarm and saw Dana sleeping soundly beside me, using the crook of my arm for her pillow.

What to do when you've cough

I am sick and I am beginning to worry about it. This is a true signal that I should take better care of myself. I've skipped some pill dosages, been drinking two glasses of soda every day during lunch, joining the gang for smoking. Sigh. And a show is coming and I don't want to get any sicker.

So, I intend to take better care of myself. In an hour I will go to the drugstore and buy cough medicine. There's one brand called Colvan that always works for me, although I don't like its side effects. It makes my head drowsy and my throat tight. But better that than let this cough linger.

I will, however, tell you some great home remedies that work wonders.

Water. Drink lots of it. Ideally we all drink a liter a day. Drink more when suffering from colds and coughs.

Yakult. I don't know why it works, but it does. I think all the good bacteria in it kills off the virus. Try it.

Fruit. Any excuse to pig out on apples, pineapples, grapes, oranges, mangoes, or whatever your favorites are is good enough! Eat fruit even when you're not sick!

Unsweetened fruit juice. The sugar in most canned or bottled fruit juice will irritate your throat more, so to get your dose of vitamin C, choose unsweetened.

Rest. Get lots of it! Don't party too much during an illness. Avoid things like alcohol and smoke. For the time being.

Hot broth. The steam from hot broth seem to loosen tough sticky phlegm. While you're at it, soak in a steam bathtub or take a leisurely hot shower. Inhale that steam. It's good for you.

Prayer. Some sort of quiet time and meditation helps heal the body and the soul.

Now let me go take a dose of my own advice. I'll write soon when I get well.

Second half of 2012 Resolutions

Okay. I'm gonna be tough on myself. Here goes:

1. Quit smoking.

2. Drink more water, less soda.

3. Drink hot tea during lunch.

4. Write my morning pages; go on a planned artist date each week.

5. Read some Bible passages each day.

6. Truth, honesty, simplicity. No place for ego.

7. Watch more theatre.

8. Audition more.

9. Be honest to God in prayer, in everything.

10. Work-out every other day. Be it body weights or yoga.

11. Do breath and voice work daily, which means the exercises in Patsy Rodenburg's The Actor Speaks.

12. Share the gospel to at least one friend this year, to whom I've never shared it before.

13. Pray for that person's salvation and wait upon God for the perfect opportunity to share the gospel, and just go for it!

14. To listen intently to Veck and Dana, to be present with them.

15. To forgive myself if I miss anything in this list.

What a weekend!

Just a quick note today.

I have a huge weekend ahead of me. First, I have to prepare for tomorrow's Large Group Hosting. It's "Moving Up" Day, so no lesson, just a lot of songs and fun. Not quite easy if you think about, owing to the fact that I don't get much time to rehearse because of j-o-b. Not that I'm complaining. My Saturday morning will be spent trying to learn the dance steps, and hopefully not in vain.

Saturday afternoon today, I will go to Palm Tower B because my friend and now agent, Dene Gomez, is sending me to a VTR, the second one I'm going to this year. I know. If I wanted more acting assignments I should put myself more out there. Hopefully I nail this one and this relationship with Dene's List Talent Agency works. It will be the first time I am handled by an agent. I'm no longer freelance. Wow.

I've work still tonight. I have to tally a team game we're holding at work. My manager will be on a much-deserved vacation leave and so it's up to me to tally the scores and send them out. I know they'll all be eager to find out who sunk who. It's a Battleship game with a twist. Have to be very thorough with this so I won't mess it up.

Sunday morning, right after shift, which is July 01 already, I just realized! A new month! Just like that. Sunday morning will be spent at church, worshiping, recuperating, I must say--finding rest in my Shepherd.

Sunday afternoon is show time! We ought to be prepared. I'm not sure if we can come in costumes, but I hope our songs for the kids would be fun enough and get them to keep coming back to Kids' Church. This new batch of Nursery level Sunday schoolers will experience Large Group for the first time and we want to make a great impression and whet their appetites for the Bible.

Sunday evening, finally! It's not rest, I'm sorry. I still have work. But I'll be going to the office to party!  JAMawockeez, that's our office's team, will be holding a bash. After tonight we'll be moved to separate teams and we're celebrating six months of joys, pains, and growing together in this crazy company I want to nickname The Firm.

It's been wonderful working with you all, Jamawockeez! Thanks for the support. From the bottom of my heart! Not just on carpeted areas, but moreso when I'm on stage. Your suppost is wonderfully felt and cherished! Cheers!

Psalm 23 taught me how to pray

If there's another thing I learned from David's 23rd Psalm, it's how to pray in the Name of Jesus. I mean, how to really pray.

Think about it. Ever since Sunday School when I was a tee weeny bit of a young boy, we were taught to end all our prayers with, "In Jesus' Name, Amen!"

We were also taught strange superstitions like, if there's a ghost, yell out loud: "In Jesus' Name!" and that was supposed to scare the devil away. (Who's to say that a quiet prayer for divine protection isn't enough for our Dad to rush to His kids' side?)

Now knowing that what basically David did was sing or pray God's names when he wrote Psalm 23 gives me a clue as to how I should pray in Jesus' name.

YHWH-Rapha, I AM Healer, is translated to "He restores my soul." YHWH-Tsidkenu, I AM your Righteousness, is translated to "He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake."

The point is, when I know more and more about Jesus, when I get to be very intimate with Him and know Him personally, then I see facets of His personality as revealed in the Bible and in our daily personal encounters. Then I can begin praying in accordance to Jesus' character. That is, I realize, what it really means to pray in Jesus' name.

Jesus is our Shepherd, the True Vine, the Messiah, the Prince of Peace. In times of confusion, I can pray to hear His voice so I can follow Him. In times of loss and disconnection, I can pray to the True Vine and renew my relationship with God my Father. When I've fallen, I can call on Jesus my Messiah. And when I'm rattled, afraid, shaken, I have Jesus, the Prince of Peace.

So, thanks, David. You taught me how to pray in the name of the Son of David. The One who said, "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends."

Wishes

Someone once told me that one powerful way to make your wishes come true is to write them down.

So, in no particular order, here goes:

1. I want a new toilet seat cover.
2. I want to have Dana's bike fixed.
3. Get bicep muscles.
4. Get cut abs.
5. Write a novel and get it published.
6. Act in a play before this year ends.
7. Tour the Holy Land with my family.
8. Start and grow a savings account.
9. Get a new Blackberry phone.
10. Get a new iPod.
11. Homeschool Dana, and make sure she gets in a good university (UP, where else?).
12. Learn to drive.
13. Watch shows on Broadway.
14. Get to originate a role again.
15. Bring Veck and Dana to Disneyland.

The hidden code in Psalm 23

When I was in fourth grade, my grandmother gave me a Good News Bible. The version is, although bulky, easy to read. I carried it around my school backpack.

Whenever I got bored in history classes, I would hide the Bible between the covers of our textbook and read it. More than once I got caught. The teacher was probably expecting a comic book. Archie or X-Men. Surprise! I was reading Deuteronomy and the history of the people of Israel.

When I got to the Psalms I fell in love with Hebrew poetry. I mean, I absolutely went wild with it. I thought, this is how I am supposed to pray.

The first psalm I memorized was Psalm 23. I would recite, "Yea though I woke through the valley of the shadow of death..." whenever the lights are turned out in my room and I begin to fear bogeymen and ghosts and aswangs that threaten to appear. I guess it was that silly childhood superstition that forced me to memorize a prayer. It begins with "The Lord is my shepherd" and goes all the way to "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Who wouldn't find comfort in that poem? After saying the words, I'd drift to sleep.

As I got older, the patina of familiarity took over my love of the Psalm. It felt old to me, over-rated, even childish. I get knocked over with problems, bills to pay, unemployment, egotistic actors ganging up on me backstage, whatever... I try to recite Psalm 23 but it didn't work its magic on me anymore. It felt staid, hackneyed, impotent. I didn't believe in the words anymore.

Our family goes to Christ's Commission Fellowship to worship on Sundays. The message last Sunday was about Psalm 23 and the hidden names of God in it. My eyes and heart were opened. I fell in love again this time not with the psalm but with the Shepherd.

Listen to the message in full at http://bit.ly/MGwCZ9.

"The LORD" is the English translation for God's proper personal name YHWH, which is "I AM WHO I AM." The I AM is our Shepherd.

Here is the 23rd Psalm.

23 ¹The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

² He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
³ He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
⁵ Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

If we go through each statement, we find how David, the psalm's author, put in God's names in the psalm, highlighting a certain aspect or attribute of His character.

"I shall not want."
YHWH-Jireh
which means "The LORD will provide."
also at Genesis 22:14

"still waters"
YHWH-Shalom
which means "The LORD our peace"
also at Judges 6:24

"restores my soul"
YHWH-Rapha
which means "The LORD who heals"
also at Exodus 15:26

"paths of righteousness"
YHWH-Tsidkenu
which means "The LORD our righteousness"
also at Jeremiah 33:16

"I fear no evil for you are with me"
YHWH-Shammah
which means "The LORD is there"
also at Ezekiel 48:35

"in the presence of my enemies"
YHWH-Nissi
which means "The LORD our banner"
also at Exodus 17:15

"anoint my head with oil"
YHWH-M'Kaddesh
which means "The LORD who sanctifies"
also at Leviticus 20:8

And then the most wonderful thing. In the New Testament, Jesus Christ is called:

The Good Shepherd in John 10:11
The Great Shepherd Hebrews 13:20
The Chief Shepherd 1 Peter 5:4

Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God, is our Shepherd. The last verse which says "Goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life..." carries the idea of not just following, but pursuing, and overcoming. Imagine goodness and mercy racing after you and catching after you and enveloping you all the days of your life just because Jesus is your Shepherd.

In John 10, Jesus said about himself, "The sheep recognize his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. After he has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them, and they follow him because they know his voice.

"I am the good shepherd; I know my own sheep, and they know me, just as my Father knows me and I know the Father. So I sacrifice my life for the sheep.

"I have other sheep, too, that are not in this sheepfold. I must bring them also. They will listen to my voice, and there will be one flock with one shepherd."

That's an invitation for us all to be part of His flock. Imagine the Lion of Judah as your Shepherd. You certainly have nothing to fear!

Bullying

In 2011 I played a young teenager in the play "William" by Ron Capinding named Tj Domingo. Tj is a bully and has a troubled domestic life.

Personally, I am against all forms of bullying. It damages both the bullied and the bully. In cases of bullying, both parties are victims. Parents and teachers should take responsibility in creating a safer school environment for children and teenagers.

Just today I came across the following incident of bullying in a school bus. This was reported by ABC News.

Students apoligize to bullied bus monitor
School bus monitor abused by students says she won't quit her job

I cannot believe that Karen Klein endured this taunting for 20 years and nothing so far has been done to stop it. The parents should take full responsibility for their children's behavior. It should not stop with just the apology. What kind of home do these kids live in? Why do they misbehave?

In "William", it is revealed that the fictional character Tj Domingo is both physically and verbally abused by his father. This is why I raise these questions.

I am now a father of a three-year-old girl. My wife and I are committed to do everything in our power to keep our girl both from being bullied and bullying others. It begins at home.

If you are bullied, tell someone you trust. If you know someone being bullied, don't just stand there. Do something! Tell an adult. Speak out. Create awareness. There are lots of positive things you can do. Or do like I did: I went up onstage and showed what bullying is, what drives a young man to bully others, and, through the words of William Shakespeare, express a humble apology.

Dana's Games: Cocoon

I have been meaning to start a series called "Games Dana plays." So here's the first entry!"

I wanted to chronicle the games that Dana invented, detail the rules, and share the fun with all of you. Dana is very creative when it comes to coming up with games, and she has been playing these games with Mommy and Daddy since... oh, I don't know, even before she turned one. The rules vary as time goes by and I'll try to recall them as faithfully as possible.

Am I a proud Dad for having a creative daughter? You bet! (I have a suspicion that's how our Daddy Up There feels, too, when we play with our creativity energies and let our creative spirits free.)

Cocoon
For this game, you will need:
- a blanket
- some pillows (optional)

The game starts rather arbitrarily. Dana received a fluffy Hello Kitty™ blanket from her Ninang Jel for her first birthday. We saved and saved this blanket from use for the first six months, afraid that Dana might wet her bed and only ruin it. When Dana got a little bit older, we brought it out for her. She immediately loved it and called it "Hello Pretty."

This is one of Dana's favorite games. We still play it a lot. Dana calls out: "Cocoon! Cocoon!" and wherever I am, I rush to her and we hide under the covers of her blanket. The rule is that all parts or our bodies are under the blanket and all its edges are safely tucked underneath body parts (wherever we can manage). We can even set up pillows to use as pillars to make the "cocoon" more like a tent.

It does get stuffy but under the cocoon Dana pretends to whisper secrets to me (she still can't talk yet, only in babbles). And I get to be close to my daughter! When she gets older, I know she won't want to play with her old man anymore (*sentimental).

Writing this now I can't help but think of prayer. It's been a while that I called to God for a one-on-one meeting, a solo time with God-Dad, a cocoon where I hide under the sheets and whisper my heart's secrets, pains and shame to Him.

"Cocoon! Cocoon!" God may call, waiting for me to rush to His side and be intimate with Him.

Just breathe!

Okay, this is it. Schedule bidding. It's make or break. It's the difference between the rest of the year being exciting or a drone. Let me explain something first.

To make ends meet, I took on a call centering job. I have been at it since November last year, and this has greatly limited my theater involvements. Naturally, I need to work hard, and I want to do good at my job, as well as get regularized (which I did last month, kudos to Rico). But my employer has many policies surrounding outside-of-work-activities.

So far, the only theater I did was the REP Fringe class last summer, which I enjoyed very much, thoroughly enjoyed, and learned a lot from. For the first time I am beginning to understand in a practical, visceral way what Patsy Rodenburg's exercises were as detailed in her book The Actor Speaks, and I work on the exercises every day on my own as if I'm a beginning actor.

It's always good to have a beginner's mind. A Zen mind.

Ego is knocking a lot at my door lately. Gawad Buhay 2012 nominations are out now and my name is not on the list. Puh! I thought I did rather well last year but I didn't get noticed.

But I do know that a lot of the actors whom I admire and respect for their work, professionalism, and sheer courage are not on this year's list as well. So what does that say?

How often have I told myself that I do theatre to serve, not for fame. (Although an acting recognition would be nice.) Still, I shouldn't stop trying to be a better actor. I should go on--breathing. Yes, simply breathing, just as Patsy Rodenburg teaches. I want to be a breathing actor.

But back to the subject at hand. I need to get a good work schedule so I can slip rehearsals in and shows when I can. Here's praying for special favor from God so I can go out on auditions again. I miss the theatre. I have illusions that the theatre misses me, too. Whether that's true or not doesn't matter. In the meantime, breathe, breathe, breathe!

Gary Oldman

One of my favorite actors is Gary Oldman. I think he has that rare gift of what I call "saktong timpla." Neither over or under. He just concocts his performance right. I wish I can see him onstage, but onscreen, I come to watch him with an intent to make mental notes of how it's supposed to be done, only to be carried away by the life of his character.

I want to be like Gary Oldman. Who cares if year after year the Oscar's snubbed him and he got his first nomination only this year? What do award-giving bodies know anyway?

Here's a toast to Gary Oldman! For your truthfulness, your professionalism, your craft. I want to grow into a master actor like you!

I'm excited to see the new Batman movie because Gary Oldman will be there.

Yesterday, for Veck's birthday, we went to the Cabanas Cinemas. We saw Kimmy Dora 2. That was a riot of fun! The funniest scenes are between Uge and Uge. Just frolicking fun!

Veck seemed to like the dozen white roses and the chichacorn I gave her for her birthday. I'm still trying to learn how to be more romantic, so if you've better ideas, feel free to post. On this note, I am reading Nelson T Dy's book The Honeymoon Never Ends. Load of advice in that book! And it's perfect for Filipino husbands because it's written by a Pinoy!

Finally, I do want to act onstage this year. It seems the only audition notices I see are for musicals. I want to do more straight plays, if I can. I miss acting. I'm learning a lot, and I think God is dealing with me on this aspect. Has theatre become my idol? Yikes. Theatre should be an altar of worship, not god itself.

In the meantime, while I'm waiting for my next acting assignment, I ought to be learning breath and being more organic. Whatever it takes to be as good as Gary Oldman!

Learning new things in REP Fringe class

Eric Morris is big on sense memory (something I confess I never really learned to use on stage) and in his books he teaches a preparatory instrumental exercise called Sensitizing. You go through your senses: tactile, olfactory, gustatory, auditory and visual, and gently become aware of and awaken each one. It's an experiential exercise and sort of hard to describe. You have to go through it and discover it for yourself.

The best sensitizing workshop, if I may, that I enrolled in was Vipassana Meditation. We sit and observe and become aware of all the sensations happening at the moment in the body. Each time I sit down now to try to sensitize, I do a vipassana meditation instead. It's difficult, but the results are amazing. I feel more alert and open and available and compassionate. Or, I feel whatever I feel at the moment. Sometimes I'm just sleepy so that tells me my body needs rest. I learn to listen to my body.

Now, in the REP Fringe workshop, we were supposed to create Space around us. It's supposed to be a real space, and we can determine it's shape, size, attributes. We did this by imaging it, sometimes as honey, sometimes as if we're digging a tunnel for ourselves in thick mud. Then you expand this shape around you and know that it is there to hold you and support you and it's a safe place you can expand and let others into.

So I'm assigning myself a little homework. I'm going to experiment with space and sensitizing. I will do sensitizing exercise first via vipassana meditation, and then after some time, try to use the available sensations I feel at the moment and use that to create my space. Wouldn't that be exciting? I wonder what I'll discover.

I feel miles away from being Giles Corey. I'm hoping that is the role that's finally assigned to me for the recital. We're doing "The Crucible" by Arthur Miller. Our recital is on June 1. Hope you can come and watch.

God is forever with us

I was reading Genesis 21 tonight and observed a few things I thought I'd like to share with you.

Genesis 21:22 "God is obviously with you in everything you do."

That was King Abimelech talking to Abraham. I realize when God is truly with you, it is obvious. Even the pagans notice, and they bring glory to God. I know that Jesus wants me to abide with Him because He is Immanuel, "God with us." God does want to be with me--Jesus died and rose again to prove it! So, what could be the practical application for me? It can be "practicing the presence" of God. I heard this talked about in K-love. Simply behaving as if God is with you in the room you are in, in your car, wherever. It can instantly change how you think and feel. And God is ever-present!

Father, I thank You that You are always present. Help me to know You are always near. Please be involved in my life. I ask that You be with me in everything I do. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.


Genesis 21:25-26 Then Abraham complained to Abimelech about a well that Abimelech's servants had taken by force from Abraham's servants... "This is the first I've heard of it," Abimelech answered. "I have no idea who is responsible. You have never complained about this before."

There is a right way and time to "complain." When I live knowing that God is always with me, well, then He's the one I talk to first when I have something to complain about. I can go to Him right away. I think that God Himself arranged this meeting between Abraham and Abimelech. Maybe Abraham prayed about the well situation. It's possible. So, godly people don't complain. They pray. So when I have stuff at work, I go to God.

Dear Jesus, I thank You that You are always with me. I pray that the next time I see occasion to complain, that I go to You first, Jesus, lover of my soul, who has the power to take care of the situation. I thank You for the freedom to bare my soul's secrets and heart's pains to You. I bask in Your love and unconditional acceptance. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.


Genesis 22:33 Then Abraham planted a tamarisk tree at Beersheba, and there he worshiped the LORD, the Eternal God.

The Lord Jesus is the Eternal God. If God promises to be with me, and He is the Eternal God, then our togetherness is forever. So, even when things are uncertain, even in difficult times, even when I feel like He's abandoned me, always remember what He whispered to my heart's ear: "Never alone." I am never alone. God is forever with me. The Lord Jesus is the Eternal God.

I worship You, my Lord Jesus, the Eternal God of Abraham.

Going through a lot

I'm going through a lot in life lately and I was taught the best thing to do when things get tough and life wears you thin is to count your blessings. So here I am doing just that. The list would go on forever so I'll limit it to the first 50 that enters my mind.

Praise God with me for:

1. my wife Veck
2. my daughter Dana
3. my salvation in Jesus
4. my dGroup
5. Dana's toys and joys and antics
6. my family's laughter
7. my NLT Life Application Bible
8. the air I breathe
9. the evening breeze
10. the sun streaming through the kitchen window
11. poetry and words
12. my books
13. my job
14. being recognized by my peers as someone who leads by example, contributes to team success and acts with integrity
15. my creative spirit
16. my creative mentors
17. K-Love.com
18. my loyal, close friendships
19. my small home
20. my pen and notebook and the freedom to write my thoughts
21. our spaghetti dinner tonight
22. free soda at the office
23. the Theatre! THE THEATRE!!
24. the Theater Actors Guild of the Philippines
25. having a bed to sleep 8 hours in
26. my life
27. green apples
28. Dana's prayers to God
29. family devotions
30. Issey Miyake perfume
31. my blog
32. my BlackBerry
33. my pumpkins Cheska, Chelsea, Cholo, Chanel and Cheyenne
34. my parents
35. my "fans"
36. the practice of meditation
37. my wife finishing residency training
38. God's grace and truth in Jesus
39. the Holy Spirit in my life
40. NxtGen Kids' Church
41. writing for the Chronicle
42. Christ's Commission Fellowship
43. surviving Ondoy, and Mayami bus accident
44. my CDs and DVDs
45. some money in the bank
46. the privilege of being on stage
47. the forgiveness of my many sins
48. my Artist's Way cluster of friends
49. God's constant presence in my life
50. Job, Bezalel, Oholiab, Ezra, Philip Yancey, Pak Iwan and many other heroes of my faith

Pursue intimacy through solitude

Take a moment each day to withdraw from the busyness of life and spend time alone with God. Just you and your Savior, getting intimate with each other. This is the spiritual discipline of solitude.

The 21st Century Christian finds this notoriously difficult. He is constantly distracted by an immense number of entertainments that gnaw at his consciousness. James 4:4-7 identifies three major obstacles to getting closer to God: love for the ways of the world, pride that makes us believe we don't need God, and the Devil who deceives us into thinking God does not love us. Nothing can be further from the truth. God longs to draw near to us. James 4:8 says, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."

God's grace allows us to see our sinfulness—wherever and whenever we aligned ourselves with the values of the world. God's grace allows us to humble ourselves and ask God for forgiveness. God's grace allows us to draw near to Him. God promised, "You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:13). God knows your heart. If you sincerely long for Him, you will have intimacy with Him. It takes grace.

Many times in Jesus' earthly life He practiced solitude. He withdrew from the crowds to spend time alone with God. He spent the very first hours of His day in prayer alone with His Father (Mark 1:32-38). He directed His life according to His Father's commands.

"In the morning, O LORD, You will hear my voice. In the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch" (Psalm 5:3). Susanna Wesley, mother of more than ten children, found a creative way to find solitude of life. In the midst of motherhood and housework, she retreats into the kitchen, pulls her apron over head, and spends time with God! Knowing God intimately is eternal life (John 17:3). In Hosea 6:6, it's as if God intimates a secret Himself: "For I delight in loyalty rather than sacrifice, and in the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings." Hosea rallies us in verse 3: "So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD." Make intimacy with God your primary goal in life.

There are many benefits to practising solitude. Any trial brings you closer to God and becomes a blessing. And you recognize that any blessing that might draw you farther away from God becomes a curse. In 1 Samuel 30, David faced a difficult trial. He clung to God and found strength in Him. He found the strength to ask God for directions, to carry them out, and to lead his band of soldiers to do the same. "The people who know their God will display strength and take action" (Daniel 11:32). People who know their God become strong because they are dependent upon the Lord. Quiet time is not a luxury. It is their means of survival.

Jesus says, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any one hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him and he with Me" (Revelation 3:20). God longs to spend time with you. To sit down you, sip a little wine, and talk about anything and everything about life. Will you let Him in your heart?

Safety on the bus

Two Sundays ago going home from church, we figured in a vehicular accident. Veck, Dana and I were on the Mayamy Transit Bus UVB-203 bound to Fairview, when we hit a parked bus in front of the Gate 3 of AFP in Santolan. Read news here.

Veck suffered a minor laceration to her forehead. Dana, who was sitting on my lap, was unharmed. Many other co-passengers were gravely hurt. Many suffered injuries along their jaws causing them to loose teeth. Others had wounds on their shins. Others on other parts of their faces. It was a bloody mess.

After that incident, I became more cautious when taking public utility vehicles. I mostly take the MRT when I can help it. As a word of precaution, here are some safety measures you can take while on-board a bus.

• Remain alert. It is important not to fall asleep or be drowsy. This can be difficult for some people so make sure you get enough 8 hours of sleep at home and not when traveling. You are in a better position to help yourself in an accident if you are awake then when asleep.
• Keep your cellphones fully loaded and charged. It is at emergency situations that you would need to contact a friend or family member for help. Also, ICE your phones. Label emergency contacts in your phones with I.C.E. so paramedics and other rescue professionals know who to contact in a case of emergency.
• Maintain proper posture. Whether sitting or standing in a bus, maintaining good posture allows your body to reflex into a more self-protective position when a split-second accident happens. Slouching is not advisable. It makes you more prone to injuries should a mishap occur.
• Speak up. As soon as you notice the bus driver over-speeding or swerving lanes where these are prohibited, notify the conductor or the driver right away. It is important to make them aware that there may be elderly, children or pregnant mothers on board and that it is their social responsibility to observe traffic rules for the safety of everyone.
  
  
• Inform your family. Especially for minors, let your parents know where you are at all times. Before leaving home, it is good to let them know what route you plan to take, and what time it takes for you to commute. Inform them once you've reached your destination. If there are changes in your itinerary, for example, you and your friends wish to stay at a Starbucks after you see the play, let them know as well. Make this a habit so they know immediately if something is wrong if this routine is broken.
• Know the nearest government hospitals in your area. When involved in an accident, it may be better to go to a government emergency hospital because of the medico-legal services they have. If you go to a private hospital, they will patch you up and ask you to go to public hospital because most private hospitals don't have medico-legals. You need a medico-legal report when you file a complaint at the Land Transportation Office.
• Pray. Ultimately, it is God who is our Mighty Protector. He is able to keep us safe from all harm. Psalm 16:1 says, "Keep me safe, O God, for I have come to you for refuge."

Travel on safe paths, my friends!

A chronological Bible study guide I return to

There are many ways to read through the Holy Bible and one that I personally favor is a chronological study. That means you don't read the book from Genesis to Revelation, going through the books as they are listed in the Table of Contents. (I tried to do that when I was in 5th Grade. When I came to the Chronicles I read about events that were already described in Kings. I thought, "Oh. History repeats itself.")

Selwin Hughes and Trevor J. Partridge's Cover to Cover: The acclaimed plan to read the Bible through in one year as it actually happened has helped me read through the Bible once years ago. I plan to go through it again, this time in a slower pace, not compulsively speeding through the day's prescribed reading, but conscientiously chewing and digesting God's words as I go.

So, I begin not on 1 January 2012 but several days late, and I try to mull on the pages. I hit upon an idea. Read the Bible. Stop when a passage or verse jumps at me. Go to my notebook and dive deep into a timed writing practice.

I haven't exactly been able to do that, but tonight, since Veck and Dana are on a much belated vacation trip to the in-laws in Malolos, I am going to BGC hours earlier than my work shift to do just that. I've some chores to do (bring the Blackberry to the store for needed repairs, pick up a book order, etc.) that I really need to get going.

Finally, here I am, opening to page one of the daily reading plan.There is a slight dread. I've read every word of the Bible before. Is there anything new I will find? Shall I switch to a different version for a fresher perspective? The King James Version, maybe, and reconstruct my English syntax? I might walk around the office and ask people, "Where art thou having supper?" or recite "Thy payment shalt be applied unto thy account within two to-morrows of to-day." That would be a riot. I was not exactly looking forward to reading the Bible.

Then bam! Right there, I see something I missed when I first went through. Hughes and Partridge cover not just Creation on Day 1, but also Satan's pride and fall (Isaiah 14:12-17; Ezekiel 28:13-19). That's what got me racing to my notebook. So early on, at the onset of 2012, God is warning me of the danger of pride. I better take heed.

Pride is when I convince myself I don't need God and do things my way. That my ways are better. That I'm always right. Nothing can be further from the truth. I am helpless, vulnerable, doomed and in desperate need of a Savior. Pride blinds me to that truth.

So I list the ways I can be full of pride.

"I already know this" ... when listening to a Sunday sermon.

"Some people are born slow so I'll just need to be patient" ... when people or colleagues seem to not get what I am trying to say.

"I can't be wrong" ... when someone disagrees with me.

"It's not my fault" ... when convicted of sin, or when Veck tells me how I can be a better husband and father.

"Let's try it my way" ... when God shows me the right path to take.

"Maybe later" ... when God tells me to do something.

The list goes on.

I bring this list to Jesus and wonder what He'll do with it. I suspect He'll put a blood-colored stamp mark on it: "Already Taken Care Of 2000 Years Ago."

O Jesus, I need a Savior! I need a King! I need You.

Pursue intimacy with God

What is your life's pursuit? To answer that question, examine your schedule. What activity do you devote more time to than anything else? David's pursuit is intimacy with the Lord. In Psalm 27, amidst war and many troubles, he wrote, "One thing I have asked from the Lord: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to meditate in His temple." The reward David longed for was God Himself.

David knew this truth: when you have God, you have everything. The opposite is also true: when you don't have God, you have nothing. Are you scrambling up the corporate ladder? Are you bent on the pursuit of your career goals? The apostle Paul once pursued the top of the religious positions, until he learned that nothing was more important than intimacy with God (Philippians 3:8).

Inside each person is an emptiness—a soul appetite. You will want to fill that emptiness, but instead of asking God to satisfy you, you tend to grab at the "good things of life" like riches, busy-ness, relationships, (Luke 14:18-20, Mark 4:19). But these won't be enough. Only God can fully satisfy. "This is eternal life," asserts John 17:3, "that they may know You, the only true God and Jesus Christ whom You have sent."

True Christianity is knowing God intimately. The result is a deep and growing trust in God; a transformation where everything the Christian does flows out of his love for the Lord Jesus. The evidence that you are indeed a true Christian is a hunger and passion for God. The Christian knows that life is all about God, and not about him (Colossians 1:16).

Man's chief aim is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. God loves you. He wants to hold hands with you as you walk together through the journey of life. "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you" (James 4:8). Pursue intimacy with God.

One way we pursue intimacy with God is through prayer and fasting. But why fast and pray? First Timothy 4:7 tells us, "Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness." We do not fast or pray for the sake of fasting and praying, but for godliness. Richard Foster pointed out, "More than any other discipline, fasting reveals the things that control us." We realize what our compulsions are. And we realize our deep need of God.

This is seen in the life of King Jehoshaphat. When he was surrounded by his enemies, he cried out to God (2 Chronicles 20). In his helplessness, he sought the Lord. "Prayer and helplessness are inseparable," said O. Hallesby. "Only the one who is helpless can truly pray. Your helplessness is your best prayer. It calls from your heart to the heart of God with greater effect than all your uttered pleas."

God spoke to Jehoshaphat. "Do not fear... for the battle is not yours but God's" (v. 15). Don't fight. Stand and see my salvation. I AM with you. God does not speak louder when we fast. But we begin to hear Him better.

"O taste and see that the Lord is good! How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!" the 34th Psalm sings with a promise. "They who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing."

When we pray and fast to draw near to God, He draws nearer to us, and we enjoy our fellowship with Him. Soon your heart will testify: "Thou will make known to me the path of life; in Thy presence is fullness of joy; in Thy right hand there are pleasures forever" (Psalms 16:11).

Fired!

We had to fire Dana's nanny whom she had for quite a while. The teenage girl was having attitude problems, and that's the most difficult thing. She was referred to us by Joan, my best friend. She's the niece of their nanny.

We have very little expectations, actually. All we ask is that she can be trusted with money. She can, check! She doesn't hurt Dana when we're away, check! She does chores without complaint, check! We pay her dues on time.

Where she fails is day-offs. She goes away on day-offs and we can't rely on her to come back when she promises to. It's terrible. Reliability is a major issue, and although it hurts to fire someone early in the year during a time when jobs are hard to come by, it is harder to entrust the care of your daughter to someone you can't fully trust when you're away on work.

I propose that a Nanny Network be put up online. On the Nanny Network, parents get to put the names of ex-nannys and give recommendations. Name, photo, age and contact information will be there. Then previous employers can put comments like trustworthy, or solicitous, or great cook. They can also say, "demands three days off a week" or "refuses to do laundry" or stuff. That way it's easier for us to look up info when we're looking for nannies.

But we're not looking for one just yet. Ever since Veck finished her Residency at National Children's Hospital and been taking care of Dana personally, I've noticed Dana become more respectful, obedient, vivacious and joyful. My wife's a super mom!

This reminds me that I need to be reliable with work, too. When my employer expects me to be working at a certain time, I should be there working. A passage comes to mind: "Colossians 3:22 Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything you do. Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. Serve them sincerely because of your reverent fear of the Lord. 23 Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. 24 Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ." And I've nothing more to add to that!

The books I read this year

I wanted to list the books I read this year. So far, these are books I've read before. It's January. I'm putting toe to water before I plunge into reading books I haven't read before.

So, in chronological order of how I read them, my list is:

Writing down the bones, by Natalie Goldberg, nonfiction
Wild Mind: Living the writer's life, by Natalie Goldberg, nonfiction
The unpleasant profession of Jonathan Hoag, by Robert A. Heinlein, fiction
Ecclesiastes, Old Testament, nonfiction
Thunder and lightning: Cracking open the writer's craft: by Natalie Goldberg, nonfiction
Magic, Inc., by Robert A. Heinlein, fiction
And he built a crooked house, by Robert A. Heinlein, fiction

I am currently reading:

Job, Old Testament, poetry
The diary of a professional experiencer, by Eric Morris, nonfiction
Freeing the actor, by Eric Morris, nonfiction

I am looking forward to reading:


The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien, fiction
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, by J.R.R. Tolkien

My life will be meaningless if I don't pass on three things to the next generation; a tragedy if I don't pass on four. One, my love for literature and reading. Two, my love for honesty and writing. Three, my love for truth and the theater. And the fourth, most important of all: God's love.

So much for resolutions!

On 31 December 2011 I decided to say good-bye to the year by writing. At about 7:00 A.M. I was already prowling the streets of Ortigas Center for a cafe that's open and will accommodate my simple wish with a table, a chair, and enough time to fill pages with writing practice.

But I was to be denied. There were no Starbucks or Seattle's Best that was open. So I hunkered down and settled myself in McDonald's El Pueblo to write. The counter person was Marvin (his name tag showed it was so), and he was as friendly as a croc that hasn't eaten for days. I asked for a double-cheeseburger meal--yeah I figured once a year is a good time to eat beef--and he shooed me off like a fly by saying, "Come back 10:30. We only serve breakfast."

I ordered a Big Breakfast meal and Marvin wasn't paying enough focus as he counted my change bill-by-bill, coin-by-coin onto my palm so that my money slipped from my hand onto the food tray. I said, "Never mind. I'll count it myself." Then he just stood there waiting for me to leave. "Is everything ready?" I asked. He pushed the tray in front of me. It carried a small cup of iced tea, and an unappetizing styro package. I asked if he could put a lid on my drink and he made a face.

I decided the food wasn't celebratory enough so I decided I wanted a bag of large fries. He got my P100 bill but didn't give my change back. Instead he gave me one of those numbers and said it'll take two minutes and my fries will just be served at my table. I asked if he can put a lid on my drink, please, and he did. I asked if he gave me my change already. He gave a confused look on his face and said, determinedly, yes.

Whilst I took my tray, my spilled money, my number, and the unappetizing food away to find a desk, I found none empty to my dismay. I approached the counter again and asked the manager if they'd open the upstairs because there wasn't anywhere one can eat. She said, "No, but I'll have someone find a place for you." It ended up that she herself found a spot for me: the desk where they have they entertain reservations for birthday parties. Naturally it carried all sorts advertising paraphernalia for the birthday reservations. She merely nudged them to the edge of the desk and asked me to sit down there and eat.

I said, "I hope you can put them away because I've some stuff of my own to put on the desk aside from the food." I meant my notebook. I wasn't there to eat. I was there to write. What she did was entirely genius it made me think she was the reincarnation of Albert Einstein. She shoved all of the advertising paraphernalia off the desk and onto one of the plastic seats. How perfect!

I started to write and thought I couldn't, because I felt I have just been served the worst service of my life. To top it off, the food was terrible. I asked Luis, one of the crew, to follow-up on my fries. It's been over the delivery time Marvin promised. As Luis went behind the counter to fetch my delayed order, I counted my money. I was sure of it. Marvin did not give me my change for the fries.

When the fries arrived, they were old. I told Luis, "Why was I made to wait for fries that are old anyway? I wouldn't mind waiting for freshly-cooked fries." He went away with my tray. After three minutes the manager came back with hot fries. I said, "What did you do?"

She said, "I made you new ones." No apologies offered. Nothing. Just plain curt and efficient. I made you new ones. Be thankful. Eat them.

The "new fries" went cold in two minutes. Which led me into thinking they were the same old fries only dunked into the frier to heat them up. Terrible service. I didn't even finish my Big Breakfast Meal. It didn't look edible at all.

To add insult, Luis and the manager began setting up desks and tables all over the restaurant to accommodate more guests... Neither bothered to ask if I'd be more comfortable in one of those desks than in the one I was in, with McDonald's Birthday Party advertising paraphernalia right beside my seat.

So my new year's resolution? Never to eat at McDonald's ever again.

*

That resolution was broken the same day. Before going home I bought my wife and daughter a McDonald's meal from the nearest one in our area. So much for resolutions!

Anyhow, I realized that being in the customer service business myself, I should be conscientious of how my customer feels. So that's the lesson why I received bad service from McDonald's. So I would know to treat all customers without prejudice with decent human courtesy.

All that happened December 31st, 2011. It's January 1st. I will never eat at a McDonald's ever again.

Veck and Dana just brought me home some pizza! Yum!

Things I want to invent

"I"
I am not sure if there's a non-doctrinal non-sectarian inspirational magazine here in the Philippines. I envision the articles to be full of encouraging anecdotes and insights from key people. It'll be a daily dose of positivity and good spirit! I'll call it I-Magazine. It'll be online but if it hits big, it'll be on print some day.

I'll start collecting stories, snippets, and experiences so when I'm ready to launch, it'll all be there. I'm so excited!

"Non-stick Price Tags"
The next thing I want to invent is a little more high-tech. You know how much pain it is to peel off a sticky price tag from a book you bought? You use your fingernail and try to take it off then it tears. It is a test of patience. And if you're successful you'll be dismayed to find there's a sticky spot where the tag used to be. It'll attract lint, dust, hair, and other scary stuff to stick to it. Ugly! So...

I propose a bookstore solution. No more price tags! What bookshoppers simply need to do is to scan the barcode of the book under a device and it flashes the book title, author and price. Then the person can decide if he wants to buy the book. He simply carries it to the counter and pays for it. No more sticky mess.

I hereby claim to be the originator of these ideas so no one dare steal them!

A free dinner at Alba

My wife, Veck, is a pediatrician, and every once in a while pharmaceutical companies would like to promote their products to doctors usually by holding seminar talks introducing their brand milk or vitamins. Usually, these events include a free buffet dinner.

Two nights ago, MeadJohnson got together pediatricians from National Children's Hospital (where Veck is taking up her residency training) and Jose Reyes Hospital to promote their new milk brand: Smart10. The chosen venue was Alba, a Spanish restaurant along Tomas Morato.

Veck got me to tag along and the initial plan was that I'll wait for her at Figaro, just across the corner. I have my book to read and she'll give me a ring once the presentation/dinner was over. I was feeling a bit hungry, so I said I might as well wait in Alba and pay for my own meal.

Now if you're thinking that I went in, pretended to be a doctor, mingled with my wife's colleagues, enjoyed myself to the free dinner and actually sat in during the presentation, well, that's exactly what happened. I had my fill of canonigno, paella, mushrooms, enselada.

During the lecture, with nothing much to do, I thought I might as well listen. Dr Gacheco talked about the importance of proper nutrition and nurture. I learned that young children are rapid learners as their brains are developing, especially up to two years old. It is then very important to engage them in play and put them in sensorially stimulating environment. Play Mozart, put colorful mobiles and pictures, have a baby handle a rattle.

I thought a lot about Dana and how I need to expose her to more learning-inducive environments; read books to her; play music and dance with her. The important thing is these activities have to be fun.

I thought artist dates ought to be that way, too. Fun and sensorially stimulating.

Now at the end of the lecture the speaker gave out a Survivors Quiz. The winner takes home Spanish sardines. I got eight out of nine answers right, besting the doctors in the room. Ha! How's that for someone who was just pretending to be a doctor!

What I learned from William

This post ought to be divided in two. The first part would be what I learned from Tj Domingo, or what I learned onstage. The second part is what I learned in William, meaning what I learned backstage.

What I Learned From Tj
"God is opposed to the proud but gives grace to the humble." This is the truth I encountered in Tj's story. God loves boys, and He trains them to become real men. Often, He uses difficult and humbling experiences to cause a young boy to grow into maturity.

I learned that God loves me and I am His boy. That He desires to be my Father. Oh, if only I would let Him!

I also learned to rap and dance. And that popularity is not everything the media say it is. It's not that important. What is important is being genuine and sincere.

What I Learned Through The William Production
I learned not to be naïve. I used to believe that everyone who works in the theater, that great vassal of truth, is genuine. I learned that's not true. I learned that just because a person is a stage actor and pays lip service to playing for truth on stage does not mean he is honest in real life.

There are theater practitioners, I found out the painful way, who are plastic, hypocrite, would never live out whatever education or good values they present on the stage.

But a real artist is always generous, selfless, ego-less, honest, sincere, truthful...on stage and off. This is the kind of person I want to be. No compromises! To work for truth, not for popularity.

I used to say that there is no difference between the church and the theater because I worship God in both. I realize there's a fundamental difference all along. The people in my church are loving. The people in the theater are not always so.

Mideo's art and the Christian artist

Ask God if he was insulted by the exhibit. Last I heard he's still on his throne, not up and panicking over Mideo's art. I've a suspicion the inspiration for that exhibit even came from the Holy Spirit Himself. Man was created in God's image, and the Vatican and 'moralists' have tried to reverse that by creating God in the image they like, and when something goes against that they react with indignation.

If you read the Bible, you'd find out that the Bible itself does not censor. Aaron the High Priest became leprous. King David, the man after God's own heart, committed adultery. The Bible never edited these scandalous details out. So, if you read the Bible, you'd find out that Jesus, while on the cross, took upon Himself all the sins and kabahuan and kabastusan and the indecent acts of the world. All. That's why the Saviour is the Greatest Artist ever.

For one, that's just the "traditional" face of Jesus, as proliferated by the Vatican for people to worship. It's not the real Jesus. No one knows how Jesus looks like, and the Bible actually forbids making any image of him. So it really wasn't Jesus Mideo put the penis on.

Besides, it is God who created penises and vaginas. It is man who sinned with these.

But if all art were symbols, then I can look at it this way: When He died on the cross, He took all these sins upon Himself. The images Mideo created were not beautiful. They were shocking. But they present a certain reality: that God took upon Himself the sinfulness of mankind. Who knew what God saw when His Son carried all the sins of the world? Jesus cried, "Eli Eli lama sabachthani?" I am sure not even Mideo's art could capture that reality.

Personally, I am against any form of censorship in art. Why won't the politicians crack down on Bench billboards displaying women and men in their undies along EDSA? That's way more public than an art exhibit in CCP. And that "photography" is not art. It's just commerce. A walk beside the Quiapo church has idolatrous images being sold beside wiccan black candles and pornographic DVDs. I once called the VRB and said pedophile-themed porno were being sold in Cubao. They said they already knew. But the DVD-sellers are still there. I once asked the peddlers if they have children themselves and if they weren't appalled by pedophilia. I forgot that some parents sell their own children out of extreme poverty. In a glorified form, at Willie Revillame's show, scantily clad girls dance provocatively, and a young boy named Jan-jan with tears in his eyes danced like a macho dancer to a cheering crowd. These are more readily available to the public than Mideo's gallery.

I feel personally offended when during the Holy Week when I want nothing else but peace and quiet, there'll be my neighbours getting a bunch of old ladies to recite the Orasyon or Pasyon using a mic with karaoke with volume turned up real loud. Here's what I do: tolerate, tolerate, tolerate. I tell myself, it's their tradition. In a way it's oral poetry, hence art. That's what I tell myself. I tell myself, sure, they can do it the traditional way, sans the technology of the microphone to save the rest of the neighbourhood headaches, but I just let them be.

I humbly submit Mideo's art can be used to share the Gospel... to show in a very visual/shocking way what Jesus did. He took our shameful sins upon Himself. And I'm taking Paul's attitude. "So long as the Gospel is shared." The whole idea of the Perfect Son of God dying on the cross for man is scandalous itself. It shakes us to the core. Every time na lang ba that there are people offended by art ipapasara na lang basta-basta? What kind of artists does the government want to create? Artists who make MMDA Art of pastel colors and basic shapes to cover up anti-government graffiti?

I won't take my own daughter to see Mideo's art, of course. If I wanted to share the Gospel to her, we'd read Narnia together. But Mideo's art has its intended audience, and reached very few of them. Nanalo pa rin ang moralists at ang Catholic Church--who would rather preserve its power than let the government save lives through the RH Bill; who would rather silence the families of their pedophile victims with money and drive around in SUVs.

Mideo's art just shone a light on a reality that most Filipinos have grown too jaded to face: in this "Christian nation of Asia" who do we really worship? Sabi nga ni Leo Abaya, sakay ka nga lang ng jeep. Katabi ng images of God Bless This Trip ang isang hubong babae kita boobs nagsasabi Seksi Lang Puwede Sa Harap. Sini-censor ba yun? Nope. Kasi dito, Commerce has become the god of the nation.

It is up to us Christian artists to continue to create art that glorifies. I may not create art as provoking as Mideo's, but I wouldn't create "safe" art either. Jesus wasn't safe. He was dangerous. He took a great risk to save us. Even CS Lewis said in Narnia, "He's not a tame lion."

My two cents' worth.

Dana hurt her left shoulder

Two days ago, when I arrived home from work, Veck said Dana rolled off the sofa and hurt her shoulder. Dana seemed however, her usual self, except for some tenderness in her left shoulder. Yesterday Veck suggested we take Dana to a "manghihilot." "Hilot" is a traditional massage in the Philippines that realigns one's posture. Veck said she noticed that Dana has some difficulty raising her left arm up.

I prayed because I didn't feel right about the hilot. So I wrote in my notebook and asked for guidance. I felt we should have her x-rayed and be looked at by an orthopedic. So that's what we did this morning and the x-ray revealed a hairline fracture. Fortunately, one of Veck's co-residents at the pediatric hospital, Dr KC, is also an orthopedic. He advised an arm sling. Veck asked if he would advise hilot and he said no. He said that for children this is the most common fracture and it would heal naturally in two weeks.

We bought Dana an arm sling but she refused to wear it. Like absolutely went wild--so it sort of defeated the purpose of trying to immobilize the arm. I just asked the nanny to make sure she doesn't play around too much.

One of the nurses brought her son to the ER where we were. The little boy was running around playing. Dana was standing there admiring the curtains. I had the intuition that the boy might shove Dana, but didn't pay attention. I was texting my supervisor advising them that I might not report for work or for rehearsals.

Then it happened. The boy roughly shoved Dana and she fell on her back and hit her head. With panic Veck cried. I picked up Dana who was also crying. We were really worried and I told the boy in Tagalog: "Do you want to be guillotined?"

His mother came and spanked and spanked him in front of everyone--something that I am against: spanking children in public. Well, I am also against allowing your child to play where they shouldn't. We were at the ER, not a playground. But I also felt I should have listened to intuition and told the young boy gently but sternly that this wasn't a playground. If I had done that then he wouldn't have been running around.

I didn't go to work but spent the day with Dana. She was supposed to go to my sister's place because it's her cousin's birthday tomorrow and she was supposed to spend the weekend but I thought it's better she's not surrounded by playmates. We arrived home around noon and she
was in a good mood and wanted to play. I was careful to watch her that she doesn't force her left arm or shoulder. She still refuses to wear the arm sling.

We both fell asleep during the afternoon. I woke up at five thinking whether to go to rehearsals or not.

Oh boy, the joys of parenthood.