When I was younger in the faith and in the arts, I was accepted as an apprentice in a Christian theatre arts ministry. I learned a lot of good from them, but learned some bad also in the mix. One such learning was that being Christian, all my work must be exclusively for God's only, which was translated into: secular theatre work is bad. For years I had this thinking and shunned auditioning for theatre other than evangelistic community theatre. In this arts ministry, I learned acting second-hand, because I was rarely recognized for my talent. I was made to play second fiddle to my co-apprentices who were deemed more talented than me.
Each time I did make something worthy (my writing was something none of my other co-apprentices could do so I was recognized for it), I will be praised but immediately admonished that it's for God and I shouldn't feel satisfaction for it. To make sure of that, there would be all sorts of critique for my work--particularly if it were written in the genre of fantasy and did not mention "God" at all. But even in my "Christian genre" writing, that was criticized, too.
I never once thought that this was out of ordinary. I remember a member of that group once auditioned for a local musical of CS Lewis's "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" and that was disapproved. Only now do I remember all these incidents in my work with JC's books.
I wish I can go back in time and help myself as young artist by being the gentle mentor I needed at that time.
In one bold move, I took a hiatus from that group and auditioned for other theatre productions--where I was recognized for my drive, my discipline, and my talent in acting--something that I never received from the former group. These being secular productions, I heard all these accolades with a twinge of guilt. And my former theatre groups interpreted my leaving my company as losing my faith. Still, steadily, I really learned to act from my secular directors and gained a trust in my talent. Sometimes I would show up in my former theatre group, but nothing has changed there. I still was treated as a second-class talent in spite of my outside work.
Well, that Christian theatre group has now dissolved. None of its members turned out to be that committed to theatre work, and in contrast, here I still am, with a hunger and passion for theatre.
Last Sunday at church, the minister said something about the spiritual and the secular. He said anything done for the Lord is spiritual--whether it be our desk jobs. I was like, a ha! All those times I did secular theatre but prayed backstage dedicating that work to God--then it's not secular theatre after all! The minister went on to say that all seemingly spiritual work like ministry, if not done for the Lord, isn't spiritual at all.
That healed me. So I thought I just might share it here.
Happy Valentine's Day!
