Reading Deprivation

It started with a practice called reading deprivation. If you're like me, you always carry a mag or a book with you to read on train rides, or while waiting for a friend, or even at home. You're also always reading blogs and blogs and emails and chain emails. Reading deprivation is when you do no reading at all for a whole week. None. Zilch.

You realize reading is like the booze. You're addicted to it. You've become an alcoholic. You compulsively read to screen your mind unawares. On the train, you train your eyes on the page of a book and miss the scenery outside. Sitting on the toilet, you've a soiled pocketbook you read with each successive visit. You read emails even if all they are are mindless chain-mail forwards. (Worse if you forward them, too. Oh please don't forward chain mails. Just make a wish, repost this blog to all your newsgroups within the next twenty minutes or else you'll have bad luck for the next twenty years. But if you do, your wish will come true).

--Honest! It really works!--

Back to the issue: so there. Just as an alcoholic won't admit he's addicted to liquor, a compulsive reader won't admit he's addicted to somebody else's words. That's sad because sometimes we lose contact with the voice inside our heads, our individuality, the me in me.

It's not easy! If I'm on reading deprivation, I compulsively grab at anything I can read. Billboards, menus, newspaper headlines, shampoo labels.

Now, what's interesting with the practice is that when you deprive yourself of this one addiction, other addictions or dependencies you weren't aware of pop up.

Oh, poor me. I can't read for a week. Got nothing to do. Hm... what's in the ref? Is that chocolate cake still there? How about some yema? And ice cream!

Whoops! I'm addicted to sugar, too!

So, avoid the bookshelf, avoid sweets. Eat veggies and fruit! OK, let's see if we can get a good salad recipe on Food Network...
.
...and before I know it, I'm staring at the TV for hours watching reality shows.

There you go! TV addict, too. Hm... Now what? Get on the phone and chat with a friend for hours. Hm... not very productive, and quite intrusive of my friend's time, too.

How about the Playstation! Yeah, I'll play a game! Yeah!

Devil Rico: Why not get on the net and watch some porn. You deserve it. What with no reading and sugar and TV and all.

Uh oh.

And so you get deeper and deeper and realize things about yourself. That's what reading deprivation is for me, I think. Now, realizing things about me isn't enough. Now that I know I've dependencies, now what?

Now, that you've got the ball in your hands, get your head in the game!

You see, we're biochemical beings. We all are subject to hormones. I got this from artist Julia Cameron. She wrote: "We are a system of intricate hormonal, adrenal, and pulmonary interactions. All of us have experienced a 'flood of rage,' a 'dry-mouthed fear,' a 'wash of terror,' or a 'heart-pounding' panic. These are chemical reactions."

That explains why I'm addicted to sugar. Chocolate releases endorphins and I'm addicted to it. Maybe that's why I vegetate in front of the TV or oversleep; to avoid a certain fear or to medicate a wound not quite healed yet in me, afraid to face it to the light and the sting of medicine.

These are my addictions. If you don't recognize yourself in the dependencies mentioned above, are you addicted to: shopping? unlimitxt? video games?

So what do I do? I suddenly have so much free time. I can:
*finish the novel / play I'm writing, even just a few pages
*vacuum my room
*repaint the walls in my room; I've always been wanting to.
*write the article on reading deprivation and post it on my blog
*fix the bookshelf
*exercise more
*go dancing with friends
*pray

I learn, instead of reading a play, why not go see one? Why not write one? Instead of watching HBO, why not do acting exercises? As taught universally in all AA groups: the first step to recovery is admitting you need help. The second is becoming humble enough to receive help. Which is why we pray. We admit where we are weak and beg God for help.

Psalm 139. v23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
v24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

How to discipline your child

"He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently" says Proverbs 13:24. But how do you discipline your child in love? Here are some guidelines.

Most parents stay away from disciplining their children. As a result, children grow up spoiled and having an "entitlement mentality"--they feel they are entitled to have whatever they want. This is not how the world works, and if you love your children, you ought to teach them that they cannot have everything they want just because they cry, throw a tantrum, or scream for it.

Parents mistakenly think they can be lax with disciplining their children when their young. Then, as their kids grow up rebellious, they suddenly become strict. It should be the reverse. They should be strict while their children are young, and as they grow, they loosen their grip and allow their children to make informed decisions for themselves, letting them learn that their decisions have consequences.

Parents have the responsibility to teach their children everything they need to know in life: from washing their hands before they eat and brushing their teeth after, to how to treat themselves, their family members and other people with respect. As a parent, it is important to establish a love relationship between you and your child. Let love be the basis and the reason you discipline him.

Remember that discipline is different from punishment. We are not to "punish" our children. Punishment and discipline are both painful, but the former focuses on revenge, the latter on redemption.

Here are a few guidelines on how to discipline your children:

1. Never in anger. To spank your children while your angry is an abuse of your parental authority. Instead, calm yourself. Remember that disciplining is out of love, not out of fury.

2. Never in public. If you spank your child in public, you crush his or her spirit. Never publicly shame a child. We want to break self-will, and not destroy their spirit.

3. Never use your hands. Your hands are made for loving and hugging, not hurting your child. The Bible says to use a rod. A flat, wide stick or leather belt is good for delivering maximum pain but not welt the skin. And one swat would do. Never more than that.

4. Establish few rules. Some families have so many rules. This is not a good idea and produces a stiff atmosphere at home. Instead, make only a few rules that, when crossed, warrants spanking. Teach your kids that if they disobey or disrespect mom and dad, they get spanking. You look into the issue of the heart. This means if a child breaks an expensive vase or spills coffee on the carpet, the child does not automatically get spanked. These are accidents and young children are characteristically careless or clumsy as they grow up. But if anyone deliberately disobeys a command or talks back, then the child gets spanking.

5. Be consistent. Both parents must agree and stick to these guidelines. The father can't say, "It's okay," and then the mother would say, "No, no, no!" This would confuse their children. Children themselves should be aware when they deserve spanking or not. As a child learns to respect the rules in the household, the frequency of spanking becomes less and less. This also means that disciplining is not dependent on mood. If you're suddenly on a sour mood you don't go on a spanking spree. Even if you're in a happy mood and the child disobeys, there should be spanking. The basis of discipline is love, not emotions.

6. Be affirming. Right after spanking, hug your child. Let them know you love them.

7. Adjust your style. As your child grows up, you must also change your style. Spanking may no longer work for older children in their teenage years, but allow them to suffer the consequence of their mistakes. Do not overprotect your child. This way they learn and their character grows.

Parenting is not an easy and often a thankless job. Some parents are opposed to spanking their children and only gain many heartaches later as their son or daughter becomes unruly and rebellious. But love is the key to establishing a good relationship with your child. Raising disciplined children who are ready to face the real world with strong integrity is in itself the greatest reward a parent can have in this world.