Most parents stay away from disciplining their children. As a result, children grow up spoiled and having an "entitlement mentality"--they feel they are entitled to have whatever they want. This is not how the world works, and if you love your children, you ought to teach them that they cannot have everything they want just because they cry, throw a tantrum, or scream for it.
Parents mistakenly think they can be lax with disciplining their children when their young. Then, as their kids grow up rebellious, they suddenly become strict. It should be the reverse. They should be strict while their children are young, and as they grow, they loosen their grip and allow their children to make informed decisions for themselves, letting them learn that their decisions have consequences.
Parents have the responsibility to teach their children everything they need to know in life: from washing their hands before they eat and brushing their teeth after, to how to treat themselves, their family members and other people with respect. As a parent, it is important to establish a love relationship between you and your child. Let love be the basis and the reason you discipline him.
Remember that discipline is different from punishment. We are not to "punish" our children. Punishment and discipline are both painful, but the former focuses on revenge, the latter on redemption.
Here are a few guidelines on how to discipline your children:
1. Never in anger. To spank your children while your angry is an abuse of your parental authority. Instead, calm yourself. Remember that disciplining is out of love, not out of fury.
2. Never in public. If you spank your child in public, you crush his or her spirit. Never publicly shame a child. We want to break self-will, and not destroy their spirit.
3. Never use your hands. Your hands are made for loving and hugging, not hurting your child. The Bible says to use a rod. A flat, wide stick or leather belt is good for delivering maximum pain but not welt the skin. And one swat would do. Never more than that.
4. Establish few rules. Some families have so many rules. This is not a good idea and produces a stiff atmosphere at home. Instead, make only a few rules that, when crossed, warrants spanking. Teach your kids that if they disobey or disrespect mom and dad, they get spanking. You look into the issue of the heart. This means if a child breaks an expensive vase or spills coffee on the carpet, the child does not automatically get spanked. These are accidents and young children are characteristically careless or clumsy as they grow up. But if anyone deliberately disobeys a command or talks back, then the child gets spanking.
5. Be consistent. Both parents must agree and stick to these guidelines. The father can't say, "It's okay," and then the mother would say, "No, no, no!" This would confuse their children. Children themselves should be aware when they deserve spanking or not. As a child learns to respect the rules in the household, the frequency of spanking becomes less and less. This also means that disciplining is not dependent on mood. If you're suddenly on a sour mood you don't go on a spanking spree. Even if you're in a happy mood and the child disobeys, there should be spanking. The basis of discipline is love, not emotions.
6. Be affirming. Right after spanking, hug your child. Let them know you love them.
7. Adjust your style. As your child grows up, you must also change your style. Spanking may no longer work for older children in their teenage years, but allow them to suffer the consequence of their mistakes. Do not overprotect your child. This way they learn and their character grows.
Parenting is not an easy and often a thankless job. Some parents are opposed to spanking their children and only gain many heartaches later as their son or daughter becomes unruly and rebellious. But love is the key to establishing a good relationship with your child. Raising disciplined children who are ready to face the real world with strong integrity is in itself the greatest reward a parent can have in this world.
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