I'm not doing Tj Domingo again after all. Jmee Katanyag of the Philippine Educational Theater Association (PETA), sent me an sms message earlier today telling me they chose a different actor to do the role. Oh, boy. And of all things I was thinking of my friends who already reserved tickets. How disappointed they would get. I didn't even think of my own disappointment.
But I guess, that's that. About a week ago I received an sms from Aaron Deniega, our SM, regarding rehearsal schedules. Just like that, I was back in the loop again. Norbs Portales III even texted me, "Welcome back."
I was out to buy Tj a new bag and some new shirts, as what I used in last year's run are old. I applied for leaves from work. I did some promoting and got friends to watch it. I read through the script again and tried to recall the lines and some of the steps. And then boom! They're not getting me.
Any theater company has the right to choose which set of actors they want to be in their show. But this just bums, can I say? Yeah, this bums. What a letdown. They chose a different actor to do the six shows (I was set to do only three) and what does that make me think? PETA doesn't want my services.
It would've been more decent if I received a call, but no, an sms should suffice. Makes me think twice about auditioning for future productions, much less supporting their shows. This just bums.
I wonder if I just got a slice of how Jesus feels when we choose other loves before Him.
My friends were, naturally, indignant. (Thank you! I love you! Real friends are hard to find and I got a chestful!) They sent comforting messages. And there'll be other plays. Theater lives on. Theater breathes. And I'll continue to breathe.
Sally Field is quoted to having said, "It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes." And there is wisdom there for every true actor and artist. Too often we judge ourselves by others' accolades/reviews/remarks. This injury, I think, warrants another round of TAW.
What I am thankful of is that I was able to text back: "Parang ayaw ko na magPETA." This is light years ahead of me. I can't believe I actually said that on my own behalf, but I did. And I'm glad. That was a gut feel reaction and I took the courage to express it. It wasn't meant to manipulate or change any present circumstance. It was to free what I truly felt inside. 
