God is forever with us

I was reading Genesis 21 tonight and observed a few things I thought I'd like to share with you.

Genesis 21:22 "God is obviously with you in everything you do."

That was King Abimelech talking to Abraham. I realize when God is truly with you, it is obvious. Even the pagans notice, and they bring glory to God. I know that Jesus wants me to abide with Him because He is Immanuel, "God with us." God does want to be with me--Jesus died and rose again to prove it! So, what could be the practical application for me? It can be "practicing the presence" of God. I heard this talked about in K-love. Simply behaving as if God is with you in the room you are in, in your car, wherever. It can instantly change how you think and feel. And God is ever-present!

Father, I thank You that You are always present. Help me to know You are always near. Please be involved in my life. I ask that You be with me in everything I do. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.


Genesis 21:25-26 Then Abraham complained to Abimelech about a well that Abimelech's servants had taken by force from Abraham's servants... "This is the first I've heard of it," Abimelech answered. "I have no idea who is responsible. You have never complained about this before."

There is a right way and time to "complain." When I live knowing that God is always with me, well, then He's the one I talk to first when I have something to complain about. I can go to Him right away. I think that God Himself arranged this meeting between Abraham and Abimelech. Maybe Abraham prayed about the well situation. It's possible. So, godly people don't complain. They pray. So when I have stuff at work, I go to God.

Dear Jesus, I thank You that You are always with me. I pray that the next time I see occasion to complain, that I go to You first, Jesus, lover of my soul, who has the power to take care of the situation. I thank You for the freedom to bare my soul's secrets and heart's pains to You. I bask in Your love and unconditional acceptance. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.


Genesis 22:33 Then Abraham planted a tamarisk tree at Beersheba, and there he worshiped the LORD, the Eternal God.

The Lord Jesus is the Eternal God. If God promises to be with me, and He is the Eternal God, then our togetherness is forever. So, even when things are uncertain, even in difficult times, even when I feel like He's abandoned me, always remember what He whispered to my heart's ear: "Never alone." I am never alone. God is forever with me. The Lord Jesus is the Eternal God.

I worship You, my Lord Jesus, the Eternal God of Abraham.

Going through a lot

I'm going through a lot in life lately and I was taught the best thing to do when things get tough and life wears you thin is to count your blessings. So here I am doing just that. The list would go on forever so I'll limit it to the first 50 that enters my mind.

Praise God with me for:

1. my wife Veck
2. my daughter Dana
3. my salvation in Jesus
4. my dGroup
5. Dana's toys and joys and antics
6. my family's laughter
7. my NLT Life Application Bible
8. the air I breathe
9. the evening breeze
10. the sun streaming through the kitchen window
11. poetry and words
12. my books
13. my job
14. being recognized by my peers as someone who leads by example, contributes to team success and acts with integrity
15. my creative spirit
16. my creative mentors
17. K-Love.com
18. my loyal, close friendships
19. my small home
20. my pen and notebook and the freedom to write my thoughts
21. our spaghetti dinner tonight
22. free soda at the office
23. the Theatre! THE THEATRE!!
24. the Theater Actors Guild of the Philippines
25. having a bed to sleep 8 hours in
26. my life
27. green apples
28. Dana's prayers to God
29. family devotions
30. Issey Miyake perfume
31. my blog
32. my BlackBerry
33. my pumpkins Cheska, Chelsea, Cholo, Chanel and Cheyenne
34. my parents
35. my "fans"
36. the practice of meditation
37. my wife finishing residency training
38. God's grace and truth in Jesus
39. the Holy Spirit in my life
40. NxtGen Kids' Church
41. writing for the Chronicle
42. Christ's Commission Fellowship
43. surviving Ondoy, and Mayami bus accident
44. my CDs and DVDs
45. some money in the bank
46. the privilege of being on stage
47. the forgiveness of my many sins
48. my Artist's Way cluster of friends
49. God's constant presence in my life
50. Job, Bezalel, Oholiab, Ezra, Philip Yancey, Pak Iwan and many other heroes of my faith

Pursue intimacy through solitude

Take a moment each day to withdraw from the busyness of life and spend time alone with God. Just you and your Savior, getting intimate with each other. This is the spiritual discipline of solitude.

The 21st Century Christian finds this notoriously difficult. He is constantly distracted by an immense number of entertainments that gnaw at his consciousness. James 4:4-7 identifies three major obstacles to getting closer to God: love for the ways of the world, pride that makes us believe we don't need God, and the Devil who deceives us into thinking God does not love us. Nothing can be further from the truth. God longs to draw near to us. James 4:8 says, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."

God's grace allows us to see our sinfulness—wherever and whenever we aligned ourselves with the values of the world. God's grace allows us to humble ourselves and ask God for forgiveness. God's grace allows us to draw near to Him. God promised, "You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:13). God knows your heart. If you sincerely long for Him, you will have intimacy with Him. It takes grace.

Many times in Jesus' earthly life He practiced solitude. He withdrew from the crowds to spend time alone with God. He spent the very first hours of His day in prayer alone with His Father (Mark 1:32-38). He directed His life according to His Father's commands.

"In the morning, O LORD, You will hear my voice. In the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch" (Psalm 5:3). Susanna Wesley, mother of more than ten children, found a creative way to find solitude of life. In the midst of motherhood and housework, she retreats into the kitchen, pulls her apron over head, and spends time with God! Knowing God intimately is eternal life (John 17:3). In Hosea 6:6, it's as if God intimates a secret Himself: "For I delight in loyalty rather than sacrifice, and in the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings." Hosea rallies us in verse 3: "So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD." Make intimacy with God your primary goal in life.

There are many benefits to practising solitude. Any trial brings you closer to God and becomes a blessing. And you recognize that any blessing that might draw you farther away from God becomes a curse. In 1 Samuel 30, David faced a difficult trial. He clung to God and found strength in Him. He found the strength to ask God for directions, to carry them out, and to lead his band of soldiers to do the same. "The people who know their God will display strength and take action" (Daniel 11:32). People who know their God become strong because they are dependent upon the Lord. Quiet time is not a luxury. It is their means of survival.

Jesus says, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any one hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him and he with Me" (Revelation 3:20). God longs to spend time with you. To sit down you, sip a little wine, and talk about anything and everything about life. Will you let Him in your heart?

Safety on the bus

Two Sundays ago going home from church, we figured in a vehicular accident. Veck, Dana and I were on the Mayamy Transit Bus UVB-203 bound to Fairview, when we hit a parked bus in front of the Gate 3 of AFP in Santolan. Read news here.

Veck suffered a minor laceration to her forehead. Dana, who was sitting on my lap, was unharmed. Many other co-passengers were gravely hurt. Many suffered injuries along their jaws causing them to loose teeth. Others had wounds on their shins. Others on other parts of their faces. It was a bloody mess.

After that incident, I became more cautious when taking public utility vehicles. I mostly take the MRT when I can help it. As a word of precaution, here are some safety measures you can take while on-board a bus.

• Remain alert. It is important not to fall asleep or be drowsy. This can be difficult for some people so make sure you get enough 8 hours of sleep at home and not when traveling. You are in a better position to help yourself in an accident if you are awake then when asleep.
• Keep your cellphones fully loaded and charged. It is at emergency situations that you would need to contact a friend or family member for help. Also, ICE your phones. Label emergency contacts in your phones with I.C.E. so paramedics and other rescue professionals know who to contact in a case of emergency.
• Maintain proper posture. Whether sitting or standing in a bus, maintaining good posture allows your body to reflex into a more self-protective position when a split-second accident happens. Slouching is not advisable. It makes you more prone to injuries should a mishap occur.
• Speak up. As soon as you notice the bus driver over-speeding or swerving lanes where these are prohibited, notify the conductor or the driver right away. It is important to make them aware that there may be elderly, children or pregnant mothers on board and that it is their social responsibility to observe traffic rules for the safety of everyone.
  
  
• Inform your family. Especially for minors, let your parents know where you are at all times. Before leaving home, it is good to let them know what route you plan to take, and what time it takes for you to commute. Inform them once you've reached your destination. If there are changes in your itinerary, for example, you and your friends wish to stay at a Starbucks after you see the play, let them know as well. Make this a habit so they know immediately if something is wrong if this routine is broken.
• Know the nearest government hospitals in your area. When involved in an accident, it may be better to go to a government emergency hospital because of the medico-legal services they have. If you go to a private hospital, they will patch you up and ask you to go to public hospital because most private hospitals don't have medico-legals. You need a medico-legal report when you file a complaint at the Land Transportation Office.
• Pray. Ultimately, it is God who is our Mighty Protector. He is able to keep us safe from all harm. Psalm 16:1 says, "Keep me safe, O God, for I have come to you for refuge."

Travel on safe paths, my friends!

A chronological Bible study guide I return to

There are many ways to read through the Holy Bible and one that I personally favor is a chronological study. That means you don't read the book from Genesis to Revelation, going through the books as they are listed in the Table of Contents. (I tried to do that when I was in 5th Grade. When I came to the Chronicles I read about events that were already described in Kings. I thought, "Oh. History repeats itself.")

Selwin Hughes and Trevor J. Partridge's Cover to Cover: The acclaimed plan to read the Bible through in one year as it actually happened has helped me read through the Bible once years ago. I plan to go through it again, this time in a slower pace, not compulsively speeding through the day's prescribed reading, but conscientiously chewing and digesting God's words as I go.

So, I begin not on 1 January 2012 but several days late, and I try to mull on the pages. I hit upon an idea. Read the Bible. Stop when a passage or verse jumps at me. Go to my notebook and dive deep into a timed writing practice.

I haven't exactly been able to do that, but tonight, since Veck and Dana are on a much belated vacation trip to the in-laws in Malolos, I am going to BGC hours earlier than my work shift to do just that. I've some chores to do (bring the Blackberry to the store for needed repairs, pick up a book order, etc.) that I really need to get going.

Finally, here I am, opening to page one of the daily reading plan.There is a slight dread. I've read every word of the Bible before. Is there anything new I will find? Shall I switch to a different version for a fresher perspective? The King James Version, maybe, and reconstruct my English syntax? I might walk around the office and ask people, "Where art thou having supper?" or recite "Thy payment shalt be applied unto thy account within two to-morrows of to-day." That would be a riot. I was not exactly looking forward to reading the Bible.

Then bam! Right there, I see something I missed when I first went through. Hughes and Partridge cover not just Creation on Day 1, but also Satan's pride and fall (Isaiah 14:12-17; Ezekiel 28:13-19). That's what got me racing to my notebook. So early on, at the onset of 2012, God is warning me of the danger of pride. I better take heed.

Pride is when I convince myself I don't need God and do things my way. That my ways are better. That I'm always right. Nothing can be further from the truth. I am helpless, vulnerable, doomed and in desperate need of a Savior. Pride blinds me to that truth.

So I list the ways I can be full of pride.

"I already know this" ... when listening to a Sunday sermon.

"Some people are born slow so I'll just need to be patient" ... when people or colleagues seem to not get what I am trying to say.

"I can't be wrong" ... when someone disagrees with me.

"It's not my fault" ... when convicted of sin, or when Veck tells me how I can be a better husband and father.

"Let's try it my way" ... when God shows me the right path to take.

"Maybe later" ... when God tells me to do something.

The list goes on.

I bring this list to Jesus and wonder what He'll do with it. I suspect He'll put a blood-colored stamp mark on it: "Already Taken Care Of 2000 Years Ago."

O Jesus, I need a Savior! I need a King! I need You.

Pursue intimacy with God

What is your life's pursuit? To answer that question, examine your schedule. What activity do you devote more time to than anything else? David's pursuit is intimacy with the Lord. In Psalm 27, amidst war and many troubles, he wrote, "One thing I have asked from the Lord: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to meditate in His temple." The reward David longed for was God Himself.

David knew this truth: when you have God, you have everything. The opposite is also true: when you don't have God, you have nothing. Are you scrambling up the corporate ladder? Are you bent on the pursuit of your career goals? The apostle Paul once pursued the top of the religious positions, until he learned that nothing was more important than intimacy with God (Philippians 3:8).

Inside each person is an emptiness—a soul appetite. You will want to fill that emptiness, but instead of asking God to satisfy you, you tend to grab at the "good things of life" like riches, busy-ness, relationships, (Luke 14:18-20, Mark 4:19). But these won't be enough. Only God can fully satisfy. "This is eternal life," asserts John 17:3, "that they may know You, the only true God and Jesus Christ whom You have sent."

True Christianity is knowing God intimately. The result is a deep and growing trust in God; a transformation where everything the Christian does flows out of his love for the Lord Jesus. The evidence that you are indeed a true Christian is a hunger and passion for God. The Christian knows that life is all about God, and not about him (Colossians 1:16).

Man's chief aim is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. God loves you. He wants to hold hands with you as you walk together through the journey of life. "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you" (James 4:8). Pursue intimacy with God.

One way we pursue intimacy with God is through prayer and fasting. But why fast and pray? First Timothy 4:7 tells us, "Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness." We do not fast or pray for the sake of fasting and praying, but for godliness. Richard Foster pointed out, "More than any other discipline, fasting reveals the things that control us." We realize what our compulsions are. And we realize our deep need of God.

This is seen in the life of King Jehoshaphat. When he was surrounded by his enemies, he cried out to God (2 Chronicles 20). In his helplessness, he sought the Lord. "Prayer and helplessness are inseparable," said O. Hallesby. "Only the one who is helpless can truly pray. Your helplessness is your best prayer. It calls from your heart to the heart of God with greater effect than all your uttered pleas."

God spoke to Jehoshaphat. "Do not fear... for the battle is not yours but God's" (v. 15). Don't fight. Stand and see my salvation. I AM with you. God does not speak louder when we fast. But we begin to hear Him better.

"O taste and see that the Lord is good! How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!" the 34th Psalm sings with a promise. "They who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing."

When we pray and fast to draw near to God, He draws nearer to us, and we enjoy our fellowship with Him. Soon your heart will testify: "Thou will make known to me the path of life; in Thy presence is fullness of joy; in Thy right hand there are pleasures forever" (Psalms 16:11).

Fired!

We had to fire Dana's nanny whom she had for quite a while. The teenage girl was having attitude problems, and that's the most difficult thing. She was referred to us by Joan, my best friend. She's the niece of their nanny.

We have very little expectations, actually. All we ask is that she can be trusted with money. She can, check! She doesn't hurt Dana when we're away, check! She does chores without complaint, check! We pay her dues on time.

Where she fails is day-offs. She goes away on day-offs and we can't rely on her to come back when she promises to. It's terrible. Reliability is a major issue, and although it hurts to fire someone early in the year during a time when jobs are hard to come by, it is harder to entrust the care of your daughter to someone you can't fully trust when you're away on work.

I propose that a Nanny Network be put up online. On the Nanny Network, parents get to put the names of ex-nannys and give recommendations. Name, photo, age and contact information will be there. Then previous employers can put comments like trustworthy, or solicitous, or great cook. They can also say, "demands three days off a week" or "refuses to do laundry" or stuff. That way it's easier for us to look up info when we're looking for nannies.

But we're not looking for one just yet. Ever since Veck finished her Residency at National Children's Hospital and been taking care of Dana personally, I've noticed Dana become more respectful, obedient, vivacious and joyful. My wife's a super mom!

This reminds me that I need to be reliable with work, too. When my employer expects me to be working at a certain time, I should be there working. A passage comes to mind: "Colossians 3:22 Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything you do. Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. Serve them sincerely because of your reverent fear of the Lord. 23 Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. 24 Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ." And I've nothing more to add to that!

The books I read this year

I wanted to list the books I read this year. So far, these are books I've read before. It's January. I'm putting toe to water before I plunge into reading books I haven't read before.

So, in chronological order of how I read them, my list is:

Writing down the bones, by Natalie Goldberg, nonfiction
Wild Mind: Living the writer's life, by Natalie Goldberg, nonfiction
The unpleasant profession of Jonathan Hoag, by Robert A. Heinlein, fiction
Ecclesiastes, Old Testament, nonfiction
Thunder and lightning: Cracking open the writer's craft: by Natalie Goldberg, nonfiction
Magic, Inc., by Robert A. Heinlein, fiction
And he built a crooked house, by Robert A. Heinlein, fiction

I am currently reading:

Job, Old Testament, poetry
The diary of a professional experiencer, by Eric Morris, nonfiction
Freeing the actor, by Eric Morris, nonfiction

I am looking forward to reading:


The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien, fiction
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, by J.R.R. Tolkien

My life will be meaningless if I don't pass on three things to the next generation; a tragedy if I don't pass on four. One, my love for literature and reading. Two, my love for honesty and writing. Three, my love for truth and the theater. And the fourth, most important of all: God's love.

So much for resolutions!

On 31 December 2011 I decided to say good-bye to the year by writing. At about 7:00 A.M. I was already prowling the streets of Ortigas Center for a cafe that's open and will accommodate my simple wish with a table, a chair, and enough time to fill pages with writing practice.

But I was to be denied. There were no Starbucks or Seattle's Best that was open. So I hunkered down and settled myself in McDonald's El Pueblo to write. The counter person was Marvin (his name tag showed it was so), and he was as friendly as a croc that hasn't eaten for days. I asked for a double-cheeseburger meal--yeah I figured once a year is a good time to eat beef--and he shooed me off like a fly by saying, "Come back 10:30. We only serve breakfast."

I ordered a Big Breakfast meal and Marvin wasn't paying enough focus as he counted my change bill-by-bill, coin-by-coin onto my palm so that my money slipped from my hand onto the food tray. I said, "Never mind. I'll count it myself." Then he just stood there waiting for me to leave. "Is everything ready?" I asked. He pushed the tray in front of me. It carried a small cup of iced tea, and an unappetizing styro package. I asked if he could put a lid on my drink and he made a face.

I decided the food wasn't celebratory enough so I decided I wanted a bag of large fries. He got my P100 bill but didn't give my change back. Instead he gave me one of those numbers and said it'll take two minutes and my fries will just be served at my table. I asked if he can put a lid on my drink, please, and he did. I asked if he gave me my change already. He gave a confused look on his face and said, determinedly, yes.

Whilst I took my tray, my spilled money, my number, and the unappetizing food away to find a desk, I found none empty to my dismay. I approached the counter again and asked the manager if they'd open the upstairs because there wasn't anywhere one can eat. She said, "No, but I'll have someone find a place for you." It ended up that she herself found a spot for me: the desk where they have they entertain reservations for birthday parties. Naturally it carried all sorts advertising paraphernalia for the birthday reservations. She merely nudged them to the edge of the desk and asked me to sit down there and eat.

I said, "I hope you can put them away because I've some stuff of my own to put on the desk aside from the food." I meant my notebook. I wasn't there to eat. I was there to write. What she did was entirely genius it made me think she was the reincarnation of Albert Einstein. She shoved all of the advertising paraphernalia off the desk and onto one of the plastic seats. How perfect!

I started to write and thought I couldn't, because I felt I have just been served the worst service of my life. To top it off, the food was terrible. I asked Luis, one of the crew, to follow-up on my fries. It's been over the delivery time Marvin promised. As Luis went behind the counter to fetch my delayed order, I counted my money. I was sure of it. Marvin did not give me my change for the fries.

When the fries arrived, they were old. I told Luis, "Why was I made to wait for fries that are old anyway? I wouldn't mind waiting for freshly-cooked fries." He went away with my tray. After three minutes the manager came back with hot fries. I said, "What did you do?"

She said, "I made you new ones." No apologies offered. Nothing. Just plain curt and efficient. I made you new ones. Be thankful. Eat them.

The "new fries" went cold in two minutes. Which led me into thinking they were the same old fries only dunked into the frier to heat them up. Terrible service. I didn't even finish my Big Breakfast Meal. It didn't look edible at all.

To add insult, Luis and the manager began setting up desks and tables all over the restaurant to accommodate more guests... Neither bothered to ask if I'd be more comfortable in one of those desks than in the one I was in, with McDonald's Birthday Party advertising paraphernalia right beside my seat.

So my new year's resolution? Never to eat at McDonald's ever again.

*

That resolution was broken the same day. Before going home I bought my wife and daughter a McDonald's meal from the nearest one in our area. So much for resolutions!

Anyhow, I realized that being in the customer service business myself, I should be conscientious of how my customer feels. So that's the lesson why I received bad service from McDonald's. So I would know to treat all customers without prejudice with decent human courtesy.

All that happened December 31st, 2011. It's January 1st. I will never eat at a McDonald's ever again.

Veck and Dana just brought me home some pizza! Yum!

Things I want to invent

"I"
I am not sure if there's a non-doctrinal non-sectarian inspirational magazine here in the Philippines. I envision the articles to be full of encouraging anecdotes and insights from key people. It'll be a daily dose of positivity and good spirit! I'll call it I-Magazine. It'll be online but if it hits big, it'll be on print some day.

I'll start collecting stories, snippets, and experiences so when I'm ready to launch, it'll all be there. I'm so excited!

"Non-stick Price Tags"
The next thing I want to invent is a little more high-tech. You know how much pain it is to peel off a sticky price tag from a book you bought? You use your fingernail and try to take it off then it tears. It is a test of patience. And if you're successful you'll be dismayed to find there's a sticky spot where the tag used to be. It'll attract lint, dust, hair, and other scary stuff to stick to it. Ugly! So...

I propose a bookstore solution. No more price tags! What bookshoppers simply need to do is to scan the barcode of the book under a device and it flashes the book title, author and price. Then the person can decide if he wants to buy the book. He simply carries it to the counter and pays for it. No more sticky mess.

I hereby claim to be the originator of these ideas so no one dare steal them!

A free dinner at Alba

My wife, Veck, is a pediatrician, and every once in a while pharmaceutical companies would like to promote their products to doctors usually by holding seminar talks introducing their brand milk or vitamins. Usually, these events include a free buffet dinner.

Two nights ago, MeadJohnson got together pediatricians from National Children's Hospital (where Veck is taking up her residency training) and Jose Reyes Hospital to promote their new milk brand: Smart10. The chosen venue was Alba, a Spanish restaurant along Tomas Morato.

Veck got me to tag along and the initial plan was that I'll wait for her at Figaro, just across the corner. I have my book to read and she'll give me a ring once the presentation/dinner was over. I was feeling a bit hungry, so I said I might as well wait in Alba and pay for my own meal.

Now if you're thinking that I went in, pretended to be a doctor, mingled with my wife's colleagues, enjoyed myself to the free dinner and actually sat in during the presentation, well, that's exactly what happened. I had my fill of canonigno, paella, mushrooms, enselada.

During the lecture, with nothing much to do, I thought I might as well listen. Dr Gacheco talked about the importance of proper nutrition and nurture. I learned that young children are rapid learners as their brains are developing, especially up to two years old. It is then very important to engage them in play and put them in sensorially stimulating environment. Play Mozart, put colorful mobiles and pictures, have a baby handle a rattle.

I thought a lot about Dana and how I need to expose her to more learning-inducive environments; read books to her; play music and dance with her. The important thing is these activities have to be fun.

I thought artist dates ought to be that way, too. Fun and sensorially stimulating.

Now at the end of the lecture the speaker gave out a Survivors Quiz. The winner takes home Spanish sardines. I got eight out of nine answers right, besting the doctors in the room. Ha! How's that for someone who was just pretending to be a doctor!

What I learned from William

This post ought to be divided in two. The first part would be what I learned from Tj Domingo, or what I learned onstage. The second part is what I learned in William, meaning what I learned backstage.

What I Learned From Tj
"God is opposed to the proud but gives grace to the humble." This is the truth I encountered in Tj's story. God loves boys, and He trains them to become real men. Often, He uses difficult and humbling experiences to cause a young boy to grow into maturity.

I learned that God loves me and I am His boy. That He desires to be my Father. Oh, if only I would let Him!

I also learned to rap and dance. And that popularity is not everything the media say it is. It's not that important. What is important is being genuine and sincere.

What I Learned Through The William Production
I learned not to be naïve. I used to believe that everyone who works in the theater, that great vassal of truth, is genuine. I learned that's not true. I learned that just because a person is a stage actor and pays lip service to playing for truth on stage does not mean he is honest in real life.

There are theater practitioners, I found out the painful way, who are plastic, hypocrite, would never live out whatever education or good values they present on the stage.

But a real artist is always generous, selfless, ego-less, honest, sincere, truthful...on stage and off. This is the kind of person I want to be. No compromises! To work for truth, not for popularity.

I used to say that there is no difference between the church and the theater because I worship God in both. I realize there's a fundamental difference all along. The people in my church are loving. The people in the theater are not always so.

Mideo's art and the Christian artist

Ask God if he was insulted by the exhibit. Last I heard he's still on his throne, not up and panicking over Mideo's art. I've a suspicion the inspiration for that exhibit even came from the Holy Spirit Himself. Man was created in God's image, and the Vatican and 'moralists' have tried to reverse that by creating God in the image they like, and when something goes against that they react with indignation.

If you read the Bible, you'd find out that the Bible itself does not censor. Aaron the High Priest became leprous. King David, the man after God's own heart, committed adultery. The Bible never edited these scandalous details out. So, if you read the Bible, you'd find out that Jesus, while on the cross, took upon Himself all the sins and kabahuan and kabastusan and the indecent acts of the world. All. That's why the Saviour is the Greatest Artist ever.

For one, that's just the "traditional" face of Jesus, as proliferated by the Vatican for people to worship. It's not the real Jesus. No one knows how Jesus looks like, and the Bible actually forbids making any image of him. So it really wasn't Jesus Mideo put the penis on.

Besides, it is God who created penises and vaginas. It is man who sinned with these.

But if all art were symbols, then I can look at it this way: When He died on the cross, He took all these sins upon Himself. The images Mideo created were not beautiful. They were shocking. But they present a certain reality: that God took upon Himself the sinfulness of mankind. Who knew what God saw when His Son carried all the sins of the world? Jesus cried, "Eli Eli lama sabachthani?" I am sure not even Mideo's art could capture that reality.

Personally, I am against any form of censorship in art. Why won't the politicians crack down on Bench billboards displaying women and men in their undies along EDSA? That's way more public than an art exhibit in CCP. And that "photography" is not art. It's just commerce. A walk beside the Quiapo church has idolatrous images being sold beside wiccan black candles and pornographic DVDs. I once called the VRB and said pedophile-themed porno were being sold in Cubao. They said they already knew. But the DVD-sellers are still there. I once asked the peddlers if they have children themselves and if they weren't appalled by pedophilia. I forgot that some parents sell their own children out of extreme poverty. In a glorified form, at Willie Revillame's show, scantily clad girls dance provocatively, and a young boy named Jan-jan with tears in his eyes danced like a macho dancer to a cheering crowd. These are more readily available to the public than Mideo's gallery.

I feel personally offended when during the Holy Week when I want nothing else but peace and quiet, there'll be my neighbours getting a bunch of old ladies to recite the Orasyon or Pasyon using a mic with karaoke with volume turned up real loud. Here's what I do: tolerate, tolerate, tolerate. I tell myself, it's their tradition. In a way it's oral poetry, hence art. That's what I tell myself. I tell myself, sure, they can do it the traditional way, sans the technology of the microphone to save the rest of the neighbourhood headaches, but I just let them be.

I humbly submit Mideo's art can be used to share the Gospel... to show in a very visual/shocking way what Jesus did. He took our shameful sins upon Himself. And I'm taking Paul's attitude. "So long as the Gospel is shared." The whole idea of the Perfect Son of God dying on the cross for man is scandalous itself. It shakes us to the core. Every time na lang ba that there are people offended by art ipapasara na lang basta-basta? What kind of artists does the government want to create? Artists who make MMDA Art of pastel colors and basic shapes to cover up anti-government graffiti?

I won't take my own daughter to see Mideo's art, of course. If I wanted to share the Gospel to her, we'd read Narnia together. But Mideo's art has its intended audience, and reached very few of them. Nanalo pa rin ang moralists at ang Catholic Church--who would rather preserve its power than let the government save lives through the RH Bill; who would rather silence the families of their pedophile victims with money and drive around in SUVs.

Mideo's art just shone a light on a reality that most Filipinos have grown too jaded to face: in this "Christian nation of Asia" who do we really worship? Sabi nga ni Leo Abaya, sakay ka nga lang ng jeep. Katabi ng images of God Bless This Trip ang isang hubong babae kita boobs nagsasabi Seksi Lang Puwede Sa Harap. Sini-censor ba yun? Nope. Kasi dito, Commerce has become the god of the nation.

It is up to us Christian artists to continue to create art that glorifies. I may not create art as provoking as Mideo's, but I wouldn't create "safe" art either. Jesus wasn't safe. He was dangerous. He took a great risk to save us. Even CS Lewis said in Narnia, "He's not a tame lion."

My two cents' worth.

Dana hurt her left shoulder

Two days ago, when I arrived home from work, Veck said Dana rolled off the sofa and hurt her shoulder. Dana seemed however, her usual self, except for some tenderness in her left shoulder. Yesterday Veck suggested we take Dana to a "manghihilot." "Hilot" is a traditional massage in the Philippines that realigns one's posture. Veck said she noticed that Dana has some difficulty raising her left arm up.

I prayed because I didn't feel right about the hilot. So I wrote in my notebook and asked for guidance. I felt we should have her x-rayed and be looked at by an orthopedic. So that's what we did this morning and the x-ray revealed a hairline fracture. Fortunately, one of Veck's co-residents at the pediatric hospital, Dr KC, is also an orthopedic. He advised an arm sling. Veck asked if he would advise hilot and he said no. He said that for children this is the most common fracture and it would heal naturally in two weeks.

We bought Dana an arm sling but she refused to wear it. Like absolutely went wild--so it sort of defeated the purpose of trying to immobilize the arm. I just asked the nanny to make sure she doesn't play around too much.

One of the nurses brought her son to the ER where we were. The little boy was running around playing. Dana was standing there admiring the curtains. I had the intuition that the boy might shove Dana, but didn't pay attention. I was texting my supervisor advising them that I might not report for work or for rehearsals.

Then it happened. The boy roughly shoved Dana and she fell on her back and hit her head. With panic Veck cried. I picked up Dana who was also crying. We were really worried and I told the boy in Tagalog: "Do you want to be guillotined?"

His mother came and spanked and spanked him in front of everyone--something that I am against: spanking children in public. Well, I am also against allowing your child to play where they shouldn't. We were at the ER, not a playground. But I also felt I should have listened to intuition and told the young boy gently but sternly that this wasn't a playground. If I had done that then he wouldn't have been running around.

I didn't go to work but spent the day with Dana. She was supposed to go to my sister's place because it's her cousin's birthday tomorrow and she was supposed to spend the weekend but I thought it's better she's not surrounded by playmates. We arrived home around noon and she
was in a good mood and wanted to play. I was careful to watch her that she doesn't force her left arm or shoulder. She still refuses to wear the arm sling.

We both fell asleep during the afternoon. I woke up at five thinking whether to go to rehearsals or not.

Oh boy, the joys of parenthood.

First William Blocking Rehearsal

Tonight was William's first blocking rehearsal. For the past week, we've been through hip hop classes, "rap"-preciation or rap classes. Last night we had a music rehearsal. (Quick note: I strained my vocal cords. I was stretching my breath to reach many syllables and after I felt the tiredness in my throat. Not good. I need to support, support, support.)

But tonight was fun. I do have bad habits I carried over to tonight's rehearsal. First, I kept reading negative vibes into Chang Maribel. I was "mind-reading" her and feeling that she's thinking she made a mistake in getting me for this play, that she thinks I'm an idiot, that she'll just try to be patient because it'd be hard to pull in another actor and all that. This kind of infected me, and so during the blocking I let Norbs, my alternate, take first hand. It's kind of a disadvantage when you just "follow" someone else's blocking instead of finding your natural impulse. But still I let myself do it.

But during the blocking when it was my turn I had fun a bit. I kind of did my own thing. Chang gave us an assignment: make a narrative timeline of our characters. When Norbs was rehearsing, I already began to hear Tj's (my character) story in my head, so I immediately took to my notebook and jotted it down. I didn't finish, but at least I have some track rails laid down. When I finish it (our deadline is Saturday), I'll post it here.

We were given re-written scenes 1 to 4. I think the new rewrites are more fun to work with than the previous drafts. It's less contrived. I began to see how Chang plays around and lets her imagination free rein during the directing. I also see the other actors staking and trying. I should learn to do the same.

Well, I'll need to study the script and my character. Tj is athletic. I'm not. Going home I saw two boys playing basketball. I need to learn those moves. I will.

PETA's Care Divas: The show must go on!

PETA's Care Divas run is going up almost 70 shows, and then they'll go on tour. I've seen the show about five or six times (I lost count already). It never grows old. This is definitely one show that must go on.

A lot has been said about the musical in other reviews, about the great ensemble of the actors, the LSS-causing music of Vince de Jesus, etc. What I want to write on is how the play has touched me personally. So in a way, this is my own personal take on Care Divas. Every time I see Care Divas, God speaks to me and tells me to do three things. Most of it is centered on prayer. He says pray for the OFWs, pray for the LGBT community, and pray for peace in Israel. These are themes in Care Divas that touched me the most.

The plight of OFWs

As a son of OFW parents, I grew up through my high school and college with my parents abroad, working. My Dad is an engineer in the Middle East, and my Mom is a casino manager in Canada. You've probably heard it over and over as I have: "Hindi biro ang maging OFW." "Ang laking sakripisyo ng mga magulang mo para sa inyong magkapatid."

Hear this a number of times and you get used to it. Care Divas took away the patina of nonchalance in my heart towards OFWs, particularly towards my parents. Now that I'm a parent myself, I realize fully what it means to do everything and anything to make sure your children gets a good future.

My Dad's home for a few months. He's completed his employment contract. Already he's busy scouting for more employment opportunities--not here, but abroad. I asked him, "Dad, pareho na kami tapos ni Ate mag-aral. Pareho na kami may kani-kaniyang pamilya. Maybe it's time you rest from working." He said, "Ngayon I'm doing it for my apos."

Besides the weekly phone calls and email exchanges, I haven't seen my Mom in years.

God said pray for the OFWs. It's never an easy life, here or abroad. Pray for the families of OFWs. It's not something we should take for granted. Hopefully, in my lifetime, Filipinos wouldn't have to leave their loved ones just to put food in their mouths. And hopefully, my generation, the children of OFWs, learn to value what great sacrifice our parents did for us.

Jesus loves the LGBT

He does. He died for them. I have a suspicion that if Jesus were incarnated in our time and visited the Philippines, He wouldn't be hanging out with the CBCP. I think He'll be hanging out with the people who need Him, those who are marginalized, those whose rights are stepped upon.

That means not only the LGBT, but abused women and children, the sick, the drug addicts. I think this is the people whom Jesus would spend a lot of time with. And He wouldn't be riding an SUV to do His ministry.

As the Body of Christ on earth, am I doing what He would do for this people? Time for a reality check.

Palestine and the Prince of Peace

It amazes me that the land where the Prince of Peace was born is war-torn. The struggle in the Promised Land, I feel, will continue until Jesus returns to reign. But still, God says pray for peace in Israel.

I know that the Hebrews are His chosen people, but as a Gentile, I know that He dies for the Palestinians, too. He died for the people in Iran. He died for every living soul in the Middle East.

One of the most important scenes in Care Divas for me is the beginning of Act 2. Playwright Liza Magtoto has clashed so much conflict in that scene, it always takes my breath away.

Care Divas does deliver the laughs. But it goes well beyond that. It got me thinking. About my parents and how I haven't really thanked them enough for the life they gave me. About the Filipinos scattered all over the world. About my Tita in New York who is a caregiver... and Care Divas gave me a picture of how linked her life is now with her patient, the way Chelsea is with Daddy Isaac, two very different people from very different cultures but feeling most at home with each other.

Please do yourself a favor. Watch Care Divas before they go on tour. If you need help getting tickets, text or message me.

The good and beautiful God, week 1

Interesting. I assigned myself to write the Chronicle article coming up next Sunday. Since we've no rehearsals, I thought I'd have time to read the transcript and write at home. Before going home, though, I made a pit stop at Mary Hill Theological School to visit my friend Argel who invited me to journey through James Bryan Smith's "The Good and Beautiful God." He gave me the first chapter to read and we'll meet again Saturday for a short discussion.

I'm hating work as a marketer for PETA. I would have love it, except for one person I shall nickname Mud Frakka. Mud Frakka is not helpful, bossy, is filled with issues, and more sour than muriatic acid. Mud Frakka has absolutely zero leadership skills. Now I mean not to pass judgment upon Mud Frakka. I wasn't there when Mud Frakka was growing up. I don't know if Mud Frakka has had a difficult childhood. But working with Mud Frakka is difficult. Mud Frakka is unreasonable and snotty. She's a persona nega vibés. Yes! I coined a phrase.

Each time I see her I bring out my pencil, point it at her, think happy thoughts, allow these happy thoughts to fill me, and then declaim: Expecto Patronum!

So of course I'm wondering what God wanted me to learn from Mud Frakka. I'm sure it's there somewhere. The truth is, whenever the thought of "What does God want me to learn in this?" comes up, I immediately brush it off. Arrogance, yes. Stubbornness, right on.

Veck and I were worried about finances. That's what we talked about when I arrived home. Veck asked, "What is the Lord teaching us?" So we prayed from our hearts. We cried out to God. God answered, "I have already answered your prayers."

The next few minutes were the sweetest moments of my life. Dana would point to her Mommy's cheek, so I'd have to "guzzle" Veck's cheek. Then Dana would point to her cheek and I've to guzzle her, too. She'd take turns pointing to Veck and to herself, and we were all laughing all the time. Veck, having forgotten all her worries, fell asleep.

I turn on my computer to see if I already received the transcript of last Sunday's message in my inbox. It's not there. So much for wanting to be spiritual and stay up all night to write and meet tomorrow's deadline. I meditated for 20 minutes (okay, just 17) and then I tried to recall the hip hop choreography we were taught last night. Then I did push ups. Still no transcript.

I did see this in my inbox, though: Metaphors, by John Eldrege.

The Bible uses a number of metaphors to describe our relationship to God at various stages. If you'll notice, they ascend in a stunning way:

Potter and clay. At this level we are merely aware that our lives are shaped-even broken-by a powerful hand. There isn't much communication, just the sovereignty of God at work.

Shepherd and sheep. At this stage we feel provided for, watched over, cared about. But beyond that, a sheep has little by way of true intimacy with the Shepherd. They are altogether different creatures.

Master and servant. Many, many believers are stuck in this stage, where they are committed to obey, but the relationship is mostly about receiving orders and instructions and carrying them out.

Father and child. This is certainly more intimate than being a servant; children get the run of the house, they get to climb on Daddy's lap. These fortunate souls understand God's fatherly love and care for them. They feel "at home" with God.

Friends. This stage actually opens up a deeper level of intimacy as we walk together with God, companions in a shared mission. We know what's on his heart; he knows what's on ours. There is a maturity and intimacy to the relationship.

Bridegroom and bride (lovers). Here, the words of the Song of Songs could also describe our spiritual intimacy, our union and oneness with God. Madame Guyon wrote, "I love God far more than the most affectionate lover among men loves his earthly attachment."

Where would you put your relationship with God? Why did you choose that "level"? Has it always been that way?

(The Journey of Desire Journal & Guidebook , 150)

A quick heart check tells me I was once at Bridegroom and Bride, and have slid down to Master and Servant. I keep thinking, is this part of growing up? An adolescent Christian growing a little distant from his Parent? Nothing could be further from the truth, I realize. God wants me to grow closer and closer to Him, not apart.

I thought I'd check out Argel's handout. And boom! It talks about befriending Christ. It reads a bit like TAW. Essays, then an exercise, then a check-in. The first exercise is to get as much sleep as I need. I've an 8AM meeting tomorrow I don't want to go to. I've to wake up 5AM to do morning pages. Sleep! James Bryan Smith says.

Now I know why there's no transcript in my inbox to work on. God wants me to sleep. To surrender.

Good night!

Ano ang latezt chizmiz sa mga CARE DIVAS?

Tara, makisagap tayo ng chismis! Makinig tayo sa chikahan ng mga Care Divas!

KAILA: Hala, mga Ateh, totoo baang Chismis? May bago na raw tayong member?

CHELSEA: Oo. May bago nang Chelsea!

JONEE: Talaga lang, ha? Magaling ba siya? Siguraduhin lang niya!

KAILA: Heto talagang si Jonee, Nega-star!

SHAI: Bilang leader ng Care Divas, kino-confeerm ko, may bago ngang member! Buti ka pa, Chelsea, may alternate na.

CHELSEA: Ang importante, suportahan natin sya at bigyan ng pagmamahal bilang bagong Chelsea!

THALIA: Eh Ateh, havavowt telling me kung sino sya?

CHELSEA: Basta, makikilala natin sya sa July 24, 8:00 PM sa PETA Theater Center! Yun na rin ang last show natin bago tayo mag-tour.

THALIA: Exciting! Gusto ko na sya makilala. Para itong Bland Det!

JONEE: Blind date, ga-guh!

THALIA: Ay, bulag sya?

SHAI: O, basta! Sukatan na ito ng pag-ibig ng ating mga Ker Sistahs at Ker Dibs! Kitakits uli sa July 24 sa PETA Theater Center!

CHELSEA: Dahil sino man ang magsuot ng high heels at kapa ni Chelsea, alam kong aalagaan din niyang mabuti si Daddy Isaac. Kaya... the show must go on! Todah Rabah!

LAHAT ng CARE DIVAS: Todah Rabah!!!!

In the Philippine Educational Theater Association’s (PETA) phenominal musical comedy-drama hit "Care Divas", five transvestite overseas Filipino workers travel to Israel during the intifada (the Palestinian uprising against Israeli occupation), bringing with them the unique brand of warm Pinoy nurturing for elderly Jews.

Every day they wash, feed and entertain their employers as loving caregivers. Come nighttime, they transform into glamorous drag queens in a huge Tel Aviv club.

At the core of the story is Chelsea (Melvin Lee), who seems to have it all—blessed with a kind employer who teaches him Hebrew and a potential lover who accepts him. Shai (Vincent de Jesus) the group’s leader, is haunted by the image of his mother who rejected him for his sexuality. The two are joined by Kayla (Jerald Napoles), Thalia (Dudz Teraña, Jason Barcial) and Jonee (Phil Noble, Buddy Caramat), who also add their liveliness and creativity through performing.

The five strive to adapt to Israeli culture. Their Filipino tongues struggle to learn Hebrew while silently battling the orthodox view on gays. They are always alert, constantly fearing deportation and war.

The creative team behind “Care Divas” includes acclaimed writer Liza Magtoto; multi-awarded composer Vincent de Jesus; prolific director Maribel Legarda; costume designer John Abul; events and theater lighting designer Jon Jon Villareal; visual artist and award-winning set designer Leo Abaya; and dancer and choreographer Carlon Matobato.

Don't miss the Divas before they go on tour! Watch the last performance of CARE DIVAS on July 24, 8:00 PM, at the PETA Theatre Center, No. 5 Eymard Drive, New Manila, Quezon City. A special treat: we reveal the new "Goody Goody Ate Vi Chelsea of Tel Aviv!" Tickets are P600. VIP seats at P800. Reserve your tickets now. Call or text RICO at 09157767778 or email rico.thespian@gmail.com

Todah Rabah!

Walking with the Invisible God

In Ancient Greece, thousands flock nightly to the theatre to see a tragedy play. Tragedy plays have a formula: our hero suffers dangers immensely disproportionate to his human faults. Unaffected gods are lowered from a platform chained to the roof called the deus ex machina. They either assist or inflict further suffering on him. These plays were designed to evoke pathos—pity and fear—among the audience, encouraging them to experience these emotions in the safety of the auditorium, thereby “purging” them of these negative feelings in what is supposed to be a “cathartic” moment.

Katharo in Greek means pure, innocent. This is the word Jesus used on the Mount when He said: “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” Now katha happens to be our word for something created. Is it any wonder that it is our Creator God who cleanses and purifies us? Jesus Christ, however, wasn’t lowered from a deus ex machina. He became one of His katha to purge us from sin. Greek plays were repeated in week-long festivals to provide audiences with more opportunities to purge themselves of their pathos. Our Creator Jesus saved us once and for all. Because of what He did, I already am made pure. He did the hard work for me. All I need to do is to stick with God. The Bible says “If we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.”

I was writing one afternoon when the sky grew grim and grey. Lightning flashed and rolls of thunder exchanged their cosmic banter, like actors delivering their dialogue on cue. Rain fell down faster than Metro Manila’s drainage systems can usher them toward the Pasig River. The weather can be more dramatic than any Greek tragedy.

I got my umbrella and immediately went to fetch my wife. Marivic works as a medical officer in National Children’s Hospital. She didn’t bring an umbrella and I was worried. “What’s up, Doc?” I greeted her at the hospital door. While we were relieved to see each other, the problem was we couldn’t get a ride home. Jeepneys were packed and taxis refused us because of the flood. We had no choice but take an hour-long trek back home.

As we walked, Marivic and I talked. I told her about my anxiety to get a part in an audition I recently went to. She told me about her toxic day at work, her joy at teaching the Nepalese doctors to speak and understand Tagalog. We marvelled at the display of an antique furniture shop we passed. We laughed at the grammar of an ad posted by a politician bragging about his service to his barangay. We discovered shortcuts. I enjoy taking these walks with my wife. I can be myself. Ours is an easy relationship. I don’t have to “audition” to be her husband. I already am. And in the process of walking with my wife, I began to know her more, understand how she thinks about the world, and empathize with how she feels. I began to see her.

Jesus said as I walk with Him, He cleanses me from all sin. He purifies me. I need to just take it all in by faith. Why the Most Holy God considers this sinner’s mustard seed faith as more precious than gold is beyond me.

I don’t have to purify myself just so I can hang out and walk with Jesus. He says He does it for me. When He died on the cross, God declared me not guilty of all my sins. When He rose from the dead, I was given a new life. And it’s also true: as I stick close to Him, I get to see Him, too. I begin to understand how He thinks. I’d tell Him about my worries and He’d smile and point, “Look at that maya birds. I made them.” Then it sinks in. I realize sparrows never worry about their food. Our Father in heaven feeds them.

Reading Deprivation

It started with a practice called reading deprivation. If you're like me, you always carry a mag or a book with you to read on train rides, or while waiting for a friend, or even at home. You're also always reading blogs and blogs and emails and chain emails. Reading deprivation is when you do no reading at all for a whole week. None. Zilch.

You realize reading is like the booze. You're addicted to it. You've become an alcoholic. You compulsively read to screen your mind unawares. On the train, you train your eyes on the page of a book and miss the scenery outside. Sitting on the toilet, you've a soiled pocketbook you read with each successive visit. You read emails even if all they are are mindless chain-mail forwards. (Worse if you forward them, too. Oh please don't forward chain mails. Just make a wish, repost this blog to all your newsgroups within the next twenty minutes or else you'll have bad luck for the next twenty years. But if you do, your wish will come true).

--Honest! It really works!--

Back to the issue: so there. Just as an alcoholic won't admit he's addicted to liquor, a compulsive reader won't admit he's addicted to somebody else's words. That's sad because sometimes we lose contact with the voice inside our heads, our individuality, the me in me.

It's not easy! If I'm on reading deprivation, I compulsively grab at anything I can read. Billboards, menus, newspaper headlines, shampoo labels.

Now, what's interesting with the practice is that when you deprive yourself of this one addiction, other addictions or dependencies you weren't aware of pop up.

Oh, poor me. I can't read for a week. Got nothing to do. Hm... what's in the ref? Is that chocolate cake still there? How about some yema? And ice cream!

Whoops! I'm addicted to sugar, too!

So, avoid the bookshelf, avoid sweets. Eat veggies and fruit! OK, let's see if we can get a good salad recipe on Food Network...
.
...and before I know it, I'm staring at the TV for hours watching reality shows.

There you go! TV addict, too. Hm... Now what? Get on the phone and chat with a friend for hours. Hm... not very productive, and quite intrusive of my friend's time, too.

How about the Playstation! Yeah, I'll play a game! Yeah!

Devil Rico: Why not get on the net and watch some porn. You deserve it. What with no reading and sugar and TV and all.

Uh oh.

And so you get deeper and deeper and realize things about yourself. That's what reading deprivation is for me, I think. Now, realizing things about me isn't enough. Now that I know I've dependencies, now what?

Now, that you've got the ball in your hands, get your head in the game!

You see, we're biochemical beings. We all are subject to hormones. I got this from artist Julia Cameron. She wrote: "We are a system of intricate hormonal, adrenal, and pulmonary interactions. All of us have experienced a 'flood of rage,' a 'dry-mouthed fear,' a 'wash of terror,' or a 'heart-pounding' panic. These are chemical reactions."

That explains why I'm addicted to sugar. Chocolate releases endorphins and I'm addicted to it. Maybe that's why I vegetate in front of the TV or oversleep; to avoid a certain fear or to medicate a wound not quite healed yet in me, afraid to face it to the light and the sting of medicine.

These are my addictions. If you don't recognize yourself in the dependencies mentioned above, are you addicted to: shopping? unlimitxt? video games?

So what do I do? I suddenly have so much free time. I can:
*finish the novel / play I'm writing, even just a few pages
*vacuum my room
*repaint the walls in my room; I've always been wanting to.
*write the article on reading deprivation and post it on my blog
*fix the bookshelf
*exercise more
*go dancing with friends
*pray

I learn, instead of reading a play, why not go see one? Why not write one? Instead of watching HBO, why not do acting exercises? As taught universally in all AA groups: the first step to recovery is admitting you need help. The second is becoming humble enough to receive help. Which is why we pray. We admit where we are weak and beg God for help.

Psalm 139. v23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
v24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.