The Audition... the showcased version

Here is, more or less, the version I performed in my monologue tonight at class. Notice the changes.

I would like to express my appreciation to all my classmates who gave such wonderfully kind comments about my performance. Most special thanks for Teacher Melvin Lee. You rock!

-=-=-=-=-

E Hi, sir. Hands piece of paper to auditioner.

Ah, on the X, sir? Stands on the X.

My name is Vanz, sir. Vanz Perlas. Where I come from, sir? I come from Pangasinan, sir. There are many Perlas in Pangasinan, sir. Our whole family sir, is Perlas. That’s our family name. Perlas like the pearl.

Beat. Oh, this? I actually borrowed a polo barong from my neighbour but I fell asleep on the bus and someone stole my bag, sir.

Beat. Oh, these? Looks at his bare feet. Uh, because sir when my bag got stolen, sir, my money was in it. And then the conductor found out I have no money to pay for ticket so he kicked me out. I walked the rest of the way sir, but on the fifth day of walking my tsinelas gave way na, sir. They were broken. I was walking like this like this and then I realized it’s better to just throw away both tsinelas so I have no more tsinelas, see? Shows black feet.

I am 17 years old now, sir. Uhm, what I came here for? I came here to audition, sir. I heard you have audition. Beat. Uh, I saw it on the TV sir. “Looking for Pinoy with talent.” Sir, I’m pinoy and I’m with talent.

Beat. Oh, no sir, I have no acting experience. This is my first time to audition.

Beat. What, sir? The auditions are over? Beat. The auditions was yesterday, sir? Oh, no! Two Yesterday, sir, I was still walking down NLEX so I can get here. Beat. Sir, maybe you can give me a chance. I really want to be an actor, sir. Beat.

Okay, sir. I’ll go home now. You know, sir, it’s for my sister, really. I told her she will see me on TV and she said if she sees me on TV she will laugh. That’s why I’m here sir. I want to be on TV. I already memorized the script sir.

Beat. Yes, sir, I’m going now. You know what, sir, my sister? She is my most beautiful sister in the world. You know, my mom used to say, “Ay! How beautiful my baby girl! Just like her mother!”

And then my dad, he will say, “When your little sister was born the night sky became darker.” I would say, “Why did the sky grow darker, Tatay?” And he will say “Because God took some of the stars down from heaven and put them in your sister’s eyes.”

It’s true, sir! My sister is beautiful. Especially when she laughs. There are stars in her eyes that sparkle when she laughs.

Beat. Yes, sir. Right, sir. I understand you’re not interested. You know, sir. My sister cannot read, so I read to her. I love to read her stories. And when I read to her she laughs. Then one day my Tatay brought home a large-screen color TV sir. Twelve inches. I promised her she’ll see me on TV. I will dance like Jan-Jan the boy macho dancer! But you know you said the audition was yesterday and yesterday I was still in NLEX so I’m going home now, sir.

Beat. My sister is sick, sir. There is no medicine in the drugstore that can cure her. When my sister got sick, she stopped laughing sir. And then we can’t see the stars in her eyes anymore. That’s why I want to be on TV sir, so she can see me and she will laugh again.

Beat. Okay, sir. Going home now. Sorry for wasting your time, sir. Uh, sir, you know, I walked all the way here and I lost my tsinelas already. I know the auditions are over, but if you please, if it’s okay, I’d like to recite the lines anyway. If it’s all right with you. I memorized the script sir and I walked for many days just to get here. Maybe you will just allow me just three minutes to say my monologue?

Beat. Thank you very much sir! Uhm, this is from the scene with Alan and Vernice at the beach! Alan pushes Vernice who is sitting on the wheel chair.

Curtain!

“Here you go, Vernice! Just like I promised you. I told you I’ll take you to the sea to watch the sunset.”

And Vernice says, “Oh, Kuya Alan! It’s so beautiful!”

And Alan says, “Yes. It is beautiful. Very beautiful.” And then they were both silent for a while, just watching the sunset and the waves and the sand.

Beat.

And then Vernice says, “Kuya Alan, where do people go when they die?”

And then Alan says, “Oi! Mama told us we should never talk about sad things! Only happy things!”

And Vernice says, “Mama’s not here. She can’t hear us. Please, Kuya, please tell me where I will go. Will it be the same place that Papa went to?”

And Alan says, “Ah, I think we should go back in now. The hamog will not be good for you.”

And Vernice says, “Please, Kuya. Please, tell me about the Very Happy Place...”

And Alan says, “Okay. The happy place. That’s where Papa is now. It’s a beautiful place, like this one. Over there, you can watch the sunset as many times as you want, for as long as you want. And then you can swim in the sea. You can swim and swim and not drown. And the sea is sweet, not salty. You can even walk on water!

And there, you can dance. I bet that’s what Papa is doing now. He is dancing. You know how Papa dances? Maybe we should dance now!

And Vernice says, “Oh, Kuya, stop teasing!”

And Alan says, “Please, may I have this dance?” He whirls him around ta-raa-ta-raraaa... “You know what else is in the Very Happy Place? There we will find the best Doctor for you and He will heal you and you will never have sickness again.

“And there, you have a big-screen TV. Much bigger than our TV: 24 inches! And all the angels watch TV all the time. “

And Vernice says, “All the time?!”

And Alan says, “Yes! All the time! You know what they are watching?”

And Vernice says, “What?”

And Alan says, “They’re watching you!”

And Vernice says, “Me?”

And Alan says, “Yes! They are watching you. They are watching you on TV as you laugh. And when you laugh your eyes sparkle like the stars and the place becomes brighter.”

But Vernice doesn’t hear what his kuya is saying anymore. Because at that moment, while Alan was talking about the angels and Vernice’s smile, at that moment Vernice... Vernice dies. But, but Alan does not know, so he keeps on talking and talking and talking. He just talks and watches the sun set and then when it was evening, Alan looked up, and he has never seen so many stars before. So many stars. The night was so bright. And the reason is—the reason is—the stars that used to reside in Vernice’s eyes already returned to the sky.

Sir, thank you for letting me recite the monologue even though there’s no more audition, sir. Thank you. You are very kind. Let me get my bio-data back. You don’t need this anymore. I have a long way to walk to get back home. Exits.

-=-=-=-=-

I can't remember everyone's comments, but Teacher Melvin said it would've been more effective if I had done it in Filipino. I quite agree to that but I've always been afraid of the language and tripping over the syllables and not sounding right. So I took the "easy" route and did it in English.

Also, he said it would've been stronger if they really did not allow him to just say the lines anyway. The choice was not compelling enough--hence it was neither believable. Teacher Melvin asked, "What if they were already packing up and closing up and with all urgency you just plunged ahead and did the monologue without anyone's permission?"

That gave me food for thought. Maybe I was just really afraid of that moment. Maybe I'm not THAT courageous to plunge into theatre no matter how much I love it--if I'm not given permission to. This is weird. I am 29 years old, clearly an adult. Who do I need permission from to do what I love? Quite an insight!

Finally, some craft bits: I should have made the delineation between Vanz and Alan clearer by making choices for Alan/Vernice scene that make it look more like an audition, because Vanz and Alan, as far as my characterization goes, were too close to each other, and I must separate them far enough so that the *match in their stories... when they become one... becomes more dramatic. Ugh! I've a lot of work on that one! If I want to be a good actor, I must kill laziness.

Or give laziness a space in my life. One hour a week of pure laziness. That'll be its space and no more.

Finally, and this is a shoutout to all Christian artists out there, always involve God in your creative process--whatever it is. If you're the actor who works outside in or inside out, ask God to help you. God is the Creator, the Inventor of Theatre. Rely on Him for ideas and to breathe life into your piece.

"The Audition"

Hi, sir. Hands piece of paper to auditioner.

Ah, on the X, sir? Stands on the X.

My name is Vanz, sir. Vanz Perlas. Where I come from, sir? I come from Pangasinan sir. There are many Perlas in Pangasinan, sir. Our whole family sir, is Perlas. That’s our family name. Perlas like the pearl.

Beat. Oh, this? I actually borrowed a polo shirt from my neighbour but I fell asleep on the bus and someone stole my bag, sir.

Beat. Oh, these? Looks at his bare feet. Uh, because sir when my bag got stolen, sir, my money was in it. And then the conductor found out—we were still in Pampanga—I have no money to pay for ticket, so he kicked me out. I walked the rest of the way sir, but on the fifth day of walking my tsinelas gave way na, sir. They were broken. So I have no more tsinelas, see? Shows black feet.

I am 20 years old now, sir. Uhm, what I came here for? I came here to audition, sir. I heard you have a movie, sir, and I want to audition. Beat. Uh, I saw it on the TV sir. “Looking for Pinoy with talent.” Sir, I’m pinoy and I’m with talent.

Beat. Oh, no sir, I have no acting experience. This is my first time to audition.

Beat. What, sir? The auditions are over? Beat. The auditions were three days ago? Oh, no! Three days ago, sir, I was still walking along SLEX so I can get here. Beat. Sir, maybe you can give me a chance. I really want to be an actor, sir. Beat.

Okay, sir. I’ll go home now. You know, sir, it’s for my sister, really. I told her she will see me on TV and she said if she sees me on TV she will laugh. That’s why I’m here sir. I want to be on TV. I already memorized the script sir.

Beat. Yes, sir, I’m going now. You know what, sir, my sister? She is the most beautiful sister in the world. You know, my mom used to say, “Ay! How beautiful my baby girl! Just like her mother!”

And then my dad, he will say, “When your little sister was born the night sky became darker.” I would say, “Why?” And he will say “Because God took some of the stars down from heaven and put them in your sister’s eyes.”

It’s true, sir! My sister is beautiful. Especially when she laughs. There are stars in her eyes that sparkle when she laughs.

Beat. Yes, sir. I’m going home now, sir. You know, sir. My sister cannot read, so I read to her. I love to read her stories. Then one day my dad gave her a gift. A large-screen color TV sir. Twelve inches. I promised her she’ll see me on TV. I will dance like Jan-Jan the boy macho dancer! But you know you said the audition was three days ago and three days ago I was still in C5 so I’m going home now, sir.

Beat. My sister is sick, sir. We have no money to pay for her medicine. When my sister got sick, she stopped laughing sir. And then we can’t see the stars in her eyes anymore. That’s why I want to be on TV sir, so she can see me and she will laugh again.

Beat. Okay, sir. Going home now. Uh, sir, you know, I walked all the way here and I lost my tsinelas already. I know the auditions are over, but if you please, if it’s okay, I’d like to recite the lines anyway. If it’s all right with you. I memorized the script sir and I walked for five days just to get here. Maybe you will just allow me just three minutes to say my monologue?

Beat. Thank you very much sir! Uhm, this is from the scene with Alan and Vernice at the beach! Alan pushes Vernice who is sitting on the wheel chair.

“Here you go, Vernice! Just like I promised you. I told you I’ll take you to the sea to watch the sunset.”

And Vernice says, “Oh, Kuya Alan! It’s so beautiful!”

And Alan says, “Yes. It is beautiful. Very beautiful.” And then they were both silent for a while, just watching the sunset.

Beat.

And then Vernice says, “Kuya Alan, where do people go when they die?”

And then Alan says, “Oi! Mama told us we should never talk about bad things! Only happy things!”

And Vernice says, “Mama’s not here. She can’t hear us. Please, Kuya, please tell me where I will go. Will it be the same place that Papa went?”

And Alan says, “I suppose. Yes. When Papa died, he went to The Very Happy Place.”

And Vernice says, “The Very Happy Place! I wish that’s where I will go, too.”

And Alan says, “Ah, I said Mama said don’t talk sad things already!”

And Vernice says, “Tell me about that happy place! Tell me what is there.”

And Alan says, “Ah, I think we should go back in now. The hamog will not be good for you.”

And Vernice says, “Please, Kuya. Please tell me about that happy place.”

And Alan says, “Okay. The happy place. That’s where Papa is now. It’s a beautiful place, like this one. Over there, you can watch the sunset as many times as you want, for as long as you want. And then you can swim in the sea. You can swim and swim and not drown. And the sea is sweet, not salty. You can even walk on water!

And there, you can dance. I bet that’s what Papa is doing now. He is dancing. There we will find the best Doctor for you and He will heal you and you will never have sickness again.

And there, you have a big-screen TV. Much bigger than our TV: 24 inches! And all the angels watch TV all the time.

And Vernice says, “All the time?!”

And Alan says, “Yes! All the time! You know what they are watching?”

And Vernice says, “What?”

And Alan says, “They’re watching you!”

And Vernice says, “Me?”

And Alan says, “Yes! They are watching you. They are watching you on TV as you laugh. And when you laugh your eyes sparkle like the stars and the place becomes brighter.”

But Vernice doesn’t hear what his kuya is saying anymore. Because at that moment, Vernice... Vernice dies. But, but Alan does not know. He just talks and watches the sun set and then when it was evening, Alan looked up, and he has never seen so many stars before. So many stars. The night was so bright. And Alan does not know that it is because the stars that used to reside in Vernice’s eyes already returned to the sky.

Sir, thank you for letting me recite the monologue even though there’s no more audition, sir. Let me get my bio-data back. You don’t need this anymore. I have a long way to walk to get back home.

-=-=-=-

Okay, that's it. That's not completely original. It's based on a scene I saw many years ago in a play by Repertory Philippines about a girl who walked all the way from the alps of Russia, I think, to audition for a play. It was played by Liesl Batucan and I can never forget the simple sincerity (or the sincere simplicity) with which she did it. Also I need to change the name because I know someone named "Vanz Perla" in real life.

PETA Summer Acting Workshop, Day 1

Lest I forget, I want to log in the lessons I learned in the PETA Summer Basic Acting Workshop I am currently enrolled in.

First, I am thankful that the instructor is Melvin Lee, whom I've had the privilege to work with many years ago in Tanghalang Pilipino's production of Himala the Musicale. He played the Priest, and Melvin can sing! What a voice! I also recall he led the best physical warm-ups for the company. Julia of PETA is his co-instructor.

Julia led us to isolation exercises, which I must list here so I don't forget. Head, neck, shoulders, arms, chest, hips, legs. Then the shake it all out with a shout exercise which we used to do in Teacher Ana Valdes-Lim's class.

Okay, we were made to find a partner, we did the Mirror Exercise, then the Sculpture & Clay. Then the... uh, let me call it, Add To The Scene, where one person improvises a pose and the next person adds to it, and the next and the next.

By the time I volunteered, it is no longer a frozen pose, but a movement, so all of us who were called to add to the improv should move. It was challenging and you need to keep thinking.

Then we were grouped and we were to make tableaus of something we were assigned (we chose from a random sheet of paper). We got: a basket that's about to break. Then the other teams are supposed to guess.

Okay, through these exercises we learned the elements of theatre which are: Line, Shape, Space, Movement, Texture, Sound, Rhythm and Color. All of which the Imagination is the limit.

Then some people stood up to do their monologues. They were lucky because their names got picked from sheets of folded paper. They were sorta uncomfortable to watch, but very brave! I resolve only to give positive feedback for whoever will do the scenes next. It's not easy to get up there and do a one-man scene!

Also, in my seat, I already thought of what monologue I'll do in case I get picked next. I'll post it here.

Thanks for listening.

What is an artist date?

A few days ago Dana tore off the front covers of a few of my softbound books. So I put her shoes on and we took a trip to the sari-sari stores to buy scotch tape. Dana enjoys spotting animals. She can identify "bird" and "'ats" (that's cats in Dana-speak, she always drops the 'k' sound, and she calls all dogs "ats").

Some of the stores were already closed so we walked around the block to Mercury Drug. We passed by a public school along Malakas Street and Dana laughed at the murals on the school walls. There were pictures of students smiling doing their homework and cleaning their surroundings with slogans such as "Clean and Green"--ideal, but far from reality. Dana enjoyed looking at them though and laughed at them with glee.

Note: I over-intellectualized. She simply enjoyed what she thought was amusing.

So it gave me an idea. We went to Arts Center on the fourth floor of Megamall. The current exhibition was portraits of musicians. There was one that my Dad would like: John Lennon and the Beatles. Dana didn't laught at the paintings though. So I went, hm... I thought she likes pictures?

There were bronze sculptures of ballerinas with exaggeratedly huge bums in dance poses. Dana laughed at those!

A-ha! Artist dates are meant to be what amuses you. What releases a childlike laugh from in you! I need that these days. Childlike laughter. Gleeful. Like a bird let out of its cage.

Bleat!

Inspired by an email from my Tita Rosella, and a url that my friend Ryan showed me, I am writing a blog on sheep. I'm not a shepherd but I know a lot about sheep because... well, I am one. And this sheep is in need of a shepherd.

I'm glad Jesus, the Good Shepherd, was willing to fill in the shoes.

According to sheep101.info, band together in large groups for protection. It is harder for a predator to pick up a sheep for dinner when it's in a flock. If it's a stray though, he's chicken feed.

And so, even though I resisted the idea of belonging to a d-group for the longest time, I now belong in one. Church community helps. I do know it's when Veck and I don't go attend d-group much that we quarrel more often. I also know that during rocky September last year, it was friends from the d-group who came to help us and pray for us.

Bleat Info: When one sheep moves, the rest will follow. When one sheep plunges down a cliff to its death, the rest jump, too. You bleat, I bleat. You jump, I jump.

Dumb, dumb, dumb... I shake my head at these sheep. But if I'm not careful, I follow the leader, too. I follow leading celebrities, leading TV shows, leading trends and pop psychology. I am easily swayed here and there. So as a dumb sheep, I ought to set my eyes on Jesus. I ought to follow Him. Not easy, but if He scales down a cliff, He'll be there. Maybe He'll even carry me on His shoulders.

Bleat Info: Sheep depend heavily upon their vision. Sheep have a very large pupil that is somewhat rectangular in shape. The eyeball is placed more to the side of the head, which gives sheep a much wider field of vision. With only slight head movement, sheep are able to scan their surroundings.

Perfect! But as Christians, we are admonished to live by faith, not by sight, and to fix our eyes on Jesus. I can be reading my Bible and I look up and voila! A world of stimuli ready to provide distraction. Or I can be at church and my eyes wander around: Who's going out with who? Oh, look, is that the new girlfriend? Oh, **** is coming this way. I certainly don't want to say Hi just right now.

Bleat Info: Sheep have poor depth perception (three dimensional vision), especially if they are moving with their heads up.

That explains it. I look at the outward appearance of people around me, and if I don't move closer, then I never get to know them better. Sometimes I don't even want to get there. Just surface is enough--and boom! I've made my mind up on judgments about this or that character. It also means I can be easily fooled.

Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart. Quite tough. I look at myself and I can't even see my own heart.

Bleat Info: Sheep have excellent hearing.

Excellent, it said. Now what am I listening to? The latest gossip? My own scheming thoughts? The chatter on TV? What was it that Jesus said? "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." So I need to be careful what I listen to.

Bleat Info: Healthy sheep are almost always hungry. They will overeat, if we let them.

On my desk now is an empty bag of McDonald's large fries, a cup of Coke Zero, styro package of this morning's breakfast of rice and eggs, the empty carton box of Fillet O' Fish, a bottle of Lipton... and I am still hungry. Now I am thinking of caramel sundae. Wait! I just had DQ Caramel Sundae.

Why can't I be hungry for the things of God? Like peace, and justice, and compassion and love? Or how about cultivating a hunger for God's Word. The truth is, the hunger is there. It's built-in. It's a sign of health. But what I choose to fill that hunger inside me with can be unhealthy. I can choose to fill this deep sadness with sugar, sexual thoughts, bitterness. Or I can ask God to fill me.

Bleat Info: While sheep are generally a docile, non-aggressive animal, this is not usually the case with rams. Rams can be very aggressive and have been known to cause serious injuries, even death, to people. A ram should never be trusted, even if it is friendly or was raised as a pet.

People who have had the [un]fortunate privilege of getting to know me know I am not always brotherly. That I can hurt. I have hurt a lot of people in my life, and the people I love more often. The secret is sometimes I don't even regret hurting some people in my life. So yeah, I can't be trusted entirely. My heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked.

"Who really knows how bad it is?" Busted! But true.

"But I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve."

So what do I know then. Not much, really. I am as dumb as a ram. You know, I heard before that when a sheep is specially disobedient--like straying off to wolf territory in spite of repeated warnings--his shepherd would break his legs. Ouch! But that way he can't move out on his own any more. Then the shepherd takes this sheep, puts him on his shoulders, and carries him the entire time till his legs are healed enough.

Jesus carried my sins on the cross two thousand years ago. He said, "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd sacrifices his life for the sheep."

I wonder how different my life would be with Jesus as my shepherd.

Psalm 23
1 The LORD is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
3 He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
4 Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,*
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.
5 You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the LORD
forever.

Lea Salonga... Second Chances

When emptiness is all there is to see
The joy that you once knew a distance memory
When the purpose of each morning is forgotten with each night
And it doesn’t seem to matter if you give up or you fight
Look again. That is when your world is about to change
Nothing in life is so permanent that love can’t rearrange

Second chances
Life is rich with second chances
Second songs with second dances, second melodies
For if you only got one shot
if what's for nothing's all you got
Your days will just be filled with single moments, single memories
But I believe hearts can conceive
Of more than one bright happy ending
Roads may split in two
You can’t go down both really fast
We know and yet we still forget
Our paths are never so unbending

Life has given you a second chance
Second chances
The world provides with second chances
New adventures, new romances, new responsibilities

For if you’re always looking back
Your eyes might miss the second track
You take no chances, seize no day, live no possibilities
But heart’s desire, hearts afire
A blaze you grow from a single ember
Yesterday turns toward tomorrow with brand new circumstance

What’s past is past but it’s not the last
We’re not alive to just remember

When life has said to you
"Not a chance, but two"

Life has granted you a second chance.

-=-=-=-=-

Beautiful song, isn't it? I feel there are some kinks in certain lines that need to be ironed out or re-written, like for a song that is positive there's a line that goes "You take no chances, seize no day, live no possibilities..." which is negative and quite didactic... but it is a beautiful song and Lea renders it beautifully.

It's from Allegiance the Musical, scheduled to come out on Broadway in 2012. I hope it becomes a hit and Lea earns another Tony for it. It's about the Japanese people. Well, that's as much as I know about the musical.

I post the song here because I want to believe that what the song says is true. That life IS filled with second chances. I'd love to have second chances at life. To take another shot at school, and mend relationships I've severed, erase regrets.

Playwrights are great teachers. They teach us about the world, about people, about ourselves. Read Shakespeare, Wilder, Rostand. Better yet, watch theatre! For example, PETA's Care Divas talked about the plight of OFWs in war-torn Israel... and about love. Recently World Theatre Project staged Macbeth, and it taught me what corruption is.

That's my advice today. Watch some theatre. I can't tell you for sure if life does give second chances. But when Allegiance comes out next year, we'll hear that from them and learn.

Amidst a culture of fake

But what if the culture among your colleagues is that of fakery? Of plasticity?

What if you're not used to that? What if in life you've learned that keeping one's integrity is not always easy but the better option? What if life experience has taught you that dishonesty only leads through more trouble--and who needs additional burdens in this day and age?

In a painful series of events, I recently found out that the team I work with at the office cannot be trusted completely. And for someone who already has trust issues, this was devastating. It takes me a while before I trust a person. Otherwise, I keep acquaintances at a distance. If I do trust a person, I let that person in my life and develop a deep level of friendship. With me, there is no middle ground. This was shown to me clearly by a friend of mine, who has these issues herself.

Now the problem presents itself when I've learned to trust a person who betrays me, or would not return the same commitment to friendship. It can be devastating. And in this case, it was. I thought I could trust my team with my heart, my creativity... I was wrong.

An air of phoniness has now set in and a game of politicking has kicked in. I don't want to take part in it. I can't. I don't want to lose my integrity for that. But what can I do? I'm afraid I'd be swallowed alive if I don't participate in the game--if I don't compromise my values.

I think the answer is simply DON'T. Don't compromise. Hold on. Hold fast. Trust that I am not friendless, that Someone promised to look out for me and never leave me, and that Someone is Truth. In the same way, I was advised to stretch my patience and compassion. Not everyone has equal level of understanding in these matters. Some probably are not still awake enough to comprehend spiritual issues surrounding this. And for these people, I must extend an open acceptance of who they are and the level of consciousness they're in, just as I have my own limitations to my level of consciousness.

In all these, to trust God. Trust God. Continue to be as honest as I can, continue to learn what I can, and to trust God.

So amidst a culture of dishonesty, be compassionate, understanding, open-minded, and honest. Never lose the honesty. Just be more expansive, inclusive. In my mind there can be space enough for acceptance of everyone in my life now.

-=-=-

And some encouraging words from friends:

"Disappointments in life makes us tough. Sometimes it's not a battle of what is right and wrong but what we have come out of it."

“If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” [John 15:19]

"Love is patient."

-=-=-

Extending patience. I need to learn this lesson now. Because this is in preparation for something in the future. And if I don't learn kind consideration and patience now then it'll be harder in the future.

Last night I read about Joshua in the Bible. That part of the Bible is all about land and how the Israelites, once slaves in Egypt, are now claiming their inheritance from God. Well, the land is theirs, God gave it to them as the Promised Land, and now it's theirs for the taking. Joshua 17.14-18 records some people complaining about it, though. They were asking for more land. Joshua says, "Well, go fight for it!" Like move! Do what you need to do. It's theirs for the taking, so take it.

I realize I'm like that sometimes. You know, God has promised us blessings and to help us but [if] I don't do my part, then I don't get it.

Caleb, in Joshua 14.6-15, is the opposite. He claimed and fought for the land that was promised to him by God--and that showed faith. Faith does involve action.

Two days ago God instructed me to apologize to the members of the team at work. I didn't want to do it. I felt that they should apologize to me! But I obeyed, leaving the results up to Him.

Earlier today the instructions were to try to make contact with one of the team members, to just see things from his perspective.

I need to trust God in this. I owe it to Him. I owe it to Jesus who purchased me with the most precious thing ever: His life. I owe it to the Christians all over the world who are persecuted. What is this that I am experiencing compared to their travails? And yet they're faithful. And God is faithful.

I need to learn to be faithful.