On being a shadow artist

So sa aking journey through TAW, ang aking week ay hindi seven days kundi one essay per day, maybe even one task per day. So talagang mas malalim, mas baby steps, or, to put it in meditation terms, mas mindful walking and aking approach.

Nandito na ako sa essay tungkol sa Shadow Artists, sa Week One.

"There, caught between the dream of action and the fear of failure, shadow artists are born."

If God created us to be creative, if God is our Parent who conceived us in Her womb, it must pain Him whenever we are blocked creatively.

I guess also, in this round of TAW, I shall more closely work with the idea that I am not alone in this. That I have God within me working with me. And sometimes God manifests as creative energy or spiritual electricity.


I need to know also, or admit to myself, that at this point in my life, especially in my theatre career when it was August since I last performed on stage, that I am returning to the shadowy cave of not creating, and so I need this course to keep me awake. I think of Aristotle's cave. And I want to awaken to greet the sunrise.

Brande's version

Ni-review ko ang Morning Pages at Artist Dates, ngunit imbes na TAW ang binasa ko, ang nireview ko ay ang mga chapters sa Becoming A Writer that pertains to these exercises.

Strangely, when I finished The Right To Write, I found myself writing freely, but also a better actor. And when I finished Vipassana, I found myself a better writer. I expected the inverse. That a course in writing will help me become a better writer; a course in breathing and sensations would help my inner actor. Hindi ganun ang ganap.

May sarili akong "Method" sa acting. So far it has only really worked for me. The people I shared it to thought it was too arduous a task. Pero since it works for me, I use it a lot when I'm stuck in a scene.

Pain

Masakit itong pinapasok kong ito.  Pero ganun talaga.  Masakit naman talaga.  Wala namang madali sa mundo.  This creative recovery thing means I'll need to deal with a lot of pain.  And for that I need God.

To turn my back on my idolatries aka my addictions, ouch!  Masakit. Pero I need this.  34 years old na ako.  Hindi na ako bata batuta na makikipag play games pa with God.  I need to take this addiction
seriously na.

May pagka clinical at classroom kasi ang demeanor ni Dorothea Brande. Yes, si Brande na talaga ang tinitignan kong Mother of Morning Pages and Artist Dates.  Pag binasa mo ang Becoming A Writer, nandun talaga yun.  BAW o TAW?  Ahem.  Mas sinabi si Brande about using your Logic
Self to provide a creative space for your Writer Self.  Sa tingin ko iyon ang totoong thrust ng TAW: to strengthen an Inner Parent that will nurture the creativity within.

At dahil sa pag-aaral ko ng Big History, medyo bukas ang isip ko na tanggapin na si YHWH at ang Creative Energy/Spiritual Electricity na sinasabi ni Julia, ay iisa lamang.

Revisting TAW, a letter to a friend

Ina-acknowledge ko na plinagarize lang ni Julia Cameron ang AA, si Dorothea Brande, at si Ernest Holmes.  Hindi siya original, tulad ni Natalie Goldberg, na super aminado naman na ang kanyang writing practice ay rooted sa Zen meditation at hindi niya personal invention or bright idea.  In contrast to Julia Cameron who wants to credit herself for divining and devising Morning Pages, Artist Dates, and Walks.

Nung 1930s palang practice na pala ng mga artists ang morning pages, artist dates, at pagwo-walking, hindi lang siya na-trademark-an like Cameron did.

Pero heto, balik review ako sa TAW.  Siguro ang isa lang na gusto ko talaga ay yung attitude ni Julia sa life.  Si Natalie kasi, bilang Buddhist atheist, medyo Zen at sparse ang pananaw sa buhay at sa
creativity.  Aminin ko na, mas maganda ang nag-iisang nobela na sinulat ni Natalie kesa sa nabasa kong nobela ni Julia (isa lang nabasa ko sa mga nobela niya).  Isa pa, kahit yung writing books ni
Natalie (Writing Down The Bones, Wild Mind, True Secrets, Thunder and Lightning) ay mas honest kesa sa The Right To Write ni Julia.

So bakit ako nagbabalik kay Julia?  Siguro iyon lang talaga, ang kanyang positive, even sometimes Pollyanna view of artist, her faith in the Creative God, ganun.  Gusto ko rin basahin yung sinulat ni
Elizabeth Gilbert tungkol sa creativity.  Pag may pera ako extra bibilhin ko iyon.

So, heto, I intend to benefit sa pagko-codify ni Julia ng Alcoholics Anonymous principles at teachings ni Dorothea Brande into a workable twelve-week program.  Gusto ko lang i-share at i-announce.

Isang often neglected truth na binulatlat ni Julia sa kanyang creative process, na hindi masyado pinagtutuunan ng pansin ng mga TAW-ists ay ito: Julia gave up her alcoholism to pursue spirituality.  Hindi madali iyon, ah.  She just quit drinking cold turkey.  Walang tikim-tikim.

So, sa round na ito ng TAW, anong addictions ang iiwasan ko?  Sugar addiction.  No more doughnuts, softdrinks.  Madali na iyan iwasan. Adult na ako.

Heto ang struggle: sexual addiction.  Kasi aminin ko na, kinikilig pa rin ako pag may nagpu-pursue o nagfli-flirt sa akin, pag may nakapansin ng aking alindog.  At hindi naman laging in the mood si
Mrs, so prone ako to masturbation.

So, am I willing to give up masturbation and cruising to fully embrace The Artist's Way?

Game on!

My spiritual practices

On an ideal day, I would have done these non-negotiable spiritual practices.  I say "ideal" because Life happens and I won't always be able to do these.  Whenever I fail, I won't beat myself up for it.  I refuse to inflict further pain upon myself.  Instead, I shall just smile, accept that Today is Today, and what is, is.

1) morning's pages from Dorothea Brande's "Becoming A Writer"
2) yoga
3) Vipassana — to learn more about this meditation practice, visit dhamma.org

I shall do one hour of writing practice as soon as I wake up, as opposed to three pages prescribed by Julia Cameron.  Instead of walks, I shall do asanas.  And a meditation practice is one that is advocated by Brande in her book as well.

In a manner of speaking, all three are various forms of meditation.  One has me writing, one has me moving, one has me sitting completely still, but all of them involve breathing.

Creativity Contract, from The Artist's Way

I, Rico, understand that I am undertaking an intensive, guided encounter with my own creativity.  I commit myself to the twelve-week duration of the course.  I, Rico, commit to weekly reading, daily morning pages, a weekly artist date, and the fulfillment of each week's tasks.

I, Rico, further understand that this course will raise issues and emotions for me to deal with.  I, Rico, commit myself to excellent self-care—adequate sleep, diet, exercise, and pampering—for the duration of the course.

RICO D. DEL ROSARIO
20 November 2015

Spiritual electricity, or creative energy

"the force that through the green fuse drives the flower" ~ Dylan Thomas

I am deeply enjoying my studies in Big History, and I am being led to return to a course I have embraced some fifteen years ago: The Artist's Way.

I come to re-examine my beliefs about Creative Energy aka Spiritual Electricity, the transcendent something that moves an artist to create, as possibly also what begun the Big Bang.

I also acknowledge that TAW's author, Julia Cameron, learned her lessons when she gave up alcoholism and fully embraced her creativity.  I think all forms of addictions that lead us to destructive lives are idolatry, and that embracing a god concept that works for the artist and leads him or her towards a fuller, more creative life can be a mark of spirituality.

I am ready to let go of my addictions: surfing (the Internet mindlessly), sex, sugar...as Julia let go of her crutch on vodka and gin.  I shall follow the path carved before me.  I want, finally, to be functional artist.

I am excited by all of this.