On being a shadow artist

So sa aking journey through TAW, ang aking week ay hindi seven days kundi one essay per day, maybe even one task per day. So talagang mas malalim, mas baby steps, or, to put it in meditation terms, mas mindful walking and aking approach.

Nandito na ako sa essay tungkol sa Shadow Artists, sa Week One.

"There, caught between the dream of action and the fear of failure, shadow artists are born."

If God created us to be creative, if God is our Parent who conceived us in Her womb, it must pain Him whenever we are blocked creatively.

I guess also, in this round of TAW, I shall more closely work with the idea that I am not alone in this. That I have God within me working with me. And sometimes God manifests as creative energy or spiritual electricity.


I need to know also, or admit to myself, that at this point in my life, especially in my theatre career when it was August since I last performed on stage, that I am returning to the shadowy cave of not creating, and so I need this course to keep me awake. I think of Aristotle's cave. And I want to awaken to greet the sunrise.

Brande's version

Ni-review ko ang Morning Pages at Artist Dates, ngunit imbes na TAW ang binasa ko, ang nireview ko ay ang mga chapters sa Becoming A Writer that pertains to these exercises.

Strangely, when I finished The Right To Write, I found myself writing freely, but also a better actor. And when I finished Vipassana, I found myself a better writer. I expected the inverse. That a course in writing will help me become a better writer; a course in breathing and sensations would help my inner actor. Hindi ganun ang ganap.

May sarili akong "Method" sa acting. So far it has only really worked for me. The people I shared it to thought it was too arduous a task. Pero since it works for me, I use it a lot when I'm stuck in a scene.

Pain

Masakit itong pinapasok kong ito.  Pero ganun talaga.  Masakit naman talaga.  Wala namang madali sa mundo.  This creative recovery thing means I'll need to deal with a lot of pain.  And for that I need God.

To turn my back on my idolatries aka my addictions, ouch!  Masakit. Pero I need this.  34 years old na ako.  Hindi na ako bata batuta na makikipag play games pa with God.  I need to take this addiction
seriously na.

May pagka clinical at classroom kasi ang demeanor ni Dorothea Brande. Yes, si Brande na talaga ang tinitignan kong Mother of Morning Pages and Artist Dates.  Pag binasa mo ang Becoming A Writer, nandun talaga yun.  BAW o TAW?  Ahem.  Mas sinabi si Brande about using your Logic
Self to provide a creative space for your Writer Self.  Sa tingin ko iyon ang totoong thrust ng TAW: to strengthen an Inner Parent that will nurture the creativity within.

At dahil sa pag-aaral ko ng Big History, medyo bukas ang isip ko na tanggapin na si YHWH at ang Creative Energy/Spiritual Electricity na sinasabi ni Julia, ay iisa lamang.

Revisting TAW, a letter to a friend

Ina-acknowledge ko na plinagarize lang ni Julia Cameron ang AA, si Dorothea Brande, at si Ernest Holmes.  Hindi siya original, tulad ni Natalie Goldberg, na super aminado naman na ang kanyang writing practice ay rooted sa Zen meditation at hindi niya personal invention or bright idea.  In contrast to Julia Cameron who wants to credit herself for divining and devising Morning Pages, Artist Dates, and Walks.

Nung 1930s palang practice na pala ng mga artists ang morning pages, artist dates, at pagwo-walking, hindi lang siya na-trademark-an like Cameron did.

Pero heto, balik review ako sa TAW.  Siguro ang isa lang na gusto ko talaga ay yung attitude ni Julia sa life.  Si Natalie kasi, bilang Buddhist atheist, medyo Zen at sparse ang pananaw sa buhay at sa
creativity.  Aminin ko na, mas maganda ang nag-iisang nobela na sinulat ni Natalie kesa sa nabasa kong nobela ni Julia (isa lang nabasa ko sa mga nobela niya).  Isa pa, kahit yung writing books ni
Natalie (Writing Down The Bones, Wild Mind, True Secrets, Thunder and Lightning) ay mas honest kesa sa The Right To Write ni Julia.

So bakit ako nagbabalik kay Julia?  Siguro iyon lang talaga, ang kanyang positive, even sometimes Pollyanna view of artist, her faith in the Creative God, ganun.  Gusto ko rin basahin yung sinulat ni
Elizabeth Gilbert tungkol sa creativity.  Pag may pera ako extra bibilhin ko iyon.

So, heto, I intend to benefit sa pagko-codify ni Julia ng Alcoholics Anonymous principles at teachings ni Dorothea Brande into a workable twelve-week program.  Gusto ko lang i-share at i-announce.

Isang often neglected truth na binulatlat ni Julia sa kanyang creative process, na hindi masyado pinagtutuunan ng pansin ng mga TAW-ists ay ito: Julia gave up her alcoholism to pursue spirituality.  Hindi madali iyon, ah.  She just quit drinking cold turkey.  Walang tikim-tikim.

So, sa round na ito ng TAW, anong addictions ang iiwasan ko?  Sugar addiction.  No more doughnuts, softdrinks.  Madali na iyan iwasan. Adult na ako.

Heto ang struggle: sexual addiction.  Kasi aminin ko na, kinikilig pa rin ako pag may nagpu-pursue o nagfli-flirt sa akin, pag may nakapansin ng aking alindog.  At hindi naman laging in the mood si
Mrs, so prone ako to masturbation.

So, am I willing to give up masturbation and cruising to fully embrace The Artist's Way?

Game on!

My spiritual practices

On an ideal day, I would have done these non-negotiable spiritual practices.  I say "ideal" because Life happens and I won't always be able to do these.  Whenever I fail, I won't beat myself up for it.  I refuse to inflict further pain upon myself.  Instead, I shall just smile, accept that Today is Today, and what is, is.

1) morning's pages from Dorothea Brande's "Becoming A Writer"
2) yoga
3) Vipassana — to learn more about this meditation practice, visit dhamma.org

I shall do one hour of writing practice as soon as I wake up, as opposed to three pages prescribed by Julia Cameron.  Instead of walks, I shall do asanas.  And a meditation practice is one that is advocated by Brande in her book as well.

In a manner of speaking, all three are various forms of meditation.  One has me writing, one has me moving, one has me sitting completely still, but all of them involve breathing.

Creativity Contract, from The Artist's Way

I, Rico, understand that I am undertaking an intensive, guided encounter with my own creativity.  I commit myself to the twelve-week duration of the course.  I, Rico, commit to weekly reading, daily morning pages, a weekly artist date, and the fulfillment of each week's tasks.

I, Rico, further understand that this course will raise issues and emotions for me to deal with.  I, Rico, commit myself to excellent self-care—adequate sleep, diet, exercise, and pampering—for the duration of the course.

RICO D. DEL ROSARIO
20 November 2015

Spiritual electricity, or creative energy

"the force that through the green fuse drives the flower" ~ Dylan Thomas

I am deeply enjoying my studies in Big History, and I am being led to return to a course I have embraced some fifteen years ago: The Artist's Way.

I come to re-examine my beliefs about Creative Energy aka Spiritual Electricity, the transcendent something that moves an artist to create, as possibly also what begun the Big Bang.

I also acknowledge that TAW's author, Julia Cameron, learned her lessons when she gave up alcoholism and fully embraced her creativity.  I think all forms of addictions that lead us to destructive lives are idolatry, and that embracing a god concept that works for the artist and leads him or her towards a fuller, more creative life can be a mark of spirituality.

I am ready to let go of my addictions: surfing (the Internet mindlessly), sex, sugar...as Julia let go of her crutch on vodka and gin.  I shall follow the path carved before me.  I want, finally, to be functional artist.

I am excited by all of this.

Countdown to NaNo2015: 15 days to go

17 October 
Today's Tarot: The queen of pentacles, reminds us to nurture ourselves by cleaning our homes, eating nutritious and delicious food, and enjoying gorgeous exercise.

I just finished reading Becoming a Writer by Dorothea Brande.  Too bad it's out of print.  It is available on Amazon, though.  I do have a good pdf copy as well.  Miss Brande talks about two key exercises for a priori writing, before you write that novel.  Which is great because we have about fifteen days to go before NaNo starts.  I try to do these exercises.  First is early morning writing.  Second is writing on schedule.

After her two key exercises, she has a five-finger exercise of actually writing the novel.  It is a natural progression from those above.  You have (1) the story in embryo, (2) the preparatory period, (3) writing confidently, (4) time for detachment, and finally, (5) the critical reading.

I have color-coded my calendar with these five-finger period.  I am so looking forward to happily writing this November!

Countdown to #NaNoWriMo2015: 16 days to go!

16 October
today's key thought: Metabolize pain, disappointment and injury into creative energy.  Let go, move on.  Focus on the good things you still have.

And I might add, do not let anyone stop you from writing!

A few days ago I intimated to a close friend that I am participating again in NaNo.  His reaction was one of dismay: "But you were such a bad person last year when you joined NaNo."  There it was, in one summary sentence, a judgment on my person for writing, for doing what I believe I was put on this planet to do, for making what I believe to be my best contribution to this world.  You were such a bad person.

A bad person because I wasn't so congenial?  Because I didn't hang out with him much?  Because I'd rather take to my notebook and write?  Because I go incognito, unreachable, my head deep into the plotting of my next thread?

I said, "Wait!  You are judging me as a person for who I was over a year ago and at the same time for who you are sure I will be in the future?  You are telling me I am a bad person when I write?  That is incredibly damaging to a writer, you know."

If you have ever been creatively injured, it's not something to sweep under the rug.  I heartfully recommend The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron.

My friend's comment stung.

The next day he issued an apology via sms.  "You are a good person.  You are a good writer.  You are self-taught.  You do wonderful things on paper."  That patched things up, but the pain was still there.  What if I get writer's block?  I can't afford that weeks before NaNo!

So what do I do?  I go ahead and write this.  I write at that something that bugs me.  This is metabolizing pain/injury/loss into creative energy.  And it is also making sure that I protect my inner writer, my storyteller, from such attacks.  While we can't control other people, we can control our responses to them.  So that "You are a bad person if you choose to write" is counteracted with "I am a good person.  I make worthwhile contributions.  I am doing what God created me to do."  And doing that write on paper.  As Julia Cameron said, "Writing rights things."

Do not let anyone keep you from writing!

Countdown to NaNo2015: 17 Days to go

 15 Octobertoday's thought: There's a reason 'men' is how the word 'menial' begins, and that's the extent of my sexism.

If you're in danger of hurtling into November plotless, and if you're one of those persons who would not want to go into battle unarmed, then I have two (or three) exercises for you.  I might only get to describing two in this entry.  I didn't invent these exercises.  I read about them and practice them.

1. You'll need: pen, paper or notebook, and an alarm clock.
First, early morning writing.  Set your alarm earlier than usual, and while still groggy, write.  Before you pee, talk to anyone, check your mobile for Facebook updates, pick up a pen and write.  Write until you 'wake up.'  Julia Cameron, an Alcoholics Anonymous alumna, prescribes three pages.  That's up to you, but write whatever crosses your mind during this sleepy state: memories of your dream, what you plan to do today, what bugs you, what your hopes and dreams are.  No set theme but just write stream-of-consciousness.  Let the pages accumulate.  Don't reread these morning's pages until the eve of 30th October.  In recurring complaints, gripes, themes, you'll find a germ idea that's personal to you that you can turn into a plot/storyline.

2. You'll need: rubber gloves, brush, detergent of choice
Second exercise.  Get down on all fours and scrub your floor clean.  If your living room is already spotless do the bathroom, the bedroom, the windows.  Any repetitive activity can become a meditative activity, and may induce a state where a plot may arise from your creative mind.

I did this this morning and found a plot idea already.  It's quite different from what I plan for NaNo 2015, so I am reserving it for later writing.

Prepping for NaNo2015 part 1

14 October

today's virtue: Noble Speech, consciously slowing down so I can say what I mean and mean what I say

I decided, since a similar thread that I started last year had helped me a lot, to create this thread for my 2015 NaNoWriMo journey.  As I write and discover things along, I shall post insights here, and hopefully help newbies.

It is a few weeks before 1st November, and I am reviewing Becoming A Writer by Dorothea Brande. I do already have a germ idea for this year's novel, something I have been carrying for the past fifteen years.  I have lots of novel ideas at the moment, but being human, can only write one at a time, so let me use the earliest ideas I had which, at the time, I was too timid to write.  I am older now, but I write not because I feel I am wiser, but because NaNoWriMo gives me the opportunity now to write those stories which I never had the courage to do so in the past.

I sat meditation for one hour today, and I think I shall continue that practice throughout writing this novel.  I shall refrain from titling or providing a synopsis of my novel until I finish it.  Last year I had the unfortunate experience of receiving unsolicited advice from "seasoned" NaNoWriters about my novel based solely on the synopsis I provided.  It was not helpful, so I won't do that now.

These few weeks before the actual writing period are important.  They are gestation, conception, feeding the Unconscious with images, ideas, historical research.  I specifically enjoyed Crash Course on youtube, particularly their 42-episode World History Series.  I am deepening what I learned from there via ancient-origins.net, another wonderful resource.

I actually had the temerity this year to volunteer myself as a Mentor.  I do feel that having a companion in writing might help spur me on to 50,000 words.  If anyone, that is, besides myself, finds this blog useful and would want to interact with me, feel free to "Reply" and add your comments to this thread.  I invite and appreciate healthy discussion.

My pseudo-goals before actual writing on November 1st: re-visit the vipassana videos on youtube, and finish reading Beauty's Kingdom by A.N. Roquelaure.

Throes

I always fear that I am at the brink of despair, and I'm only barely holding on.  I just finished Romeo and Juliet rerun with Manila Shakespeare Company in August, and then there's Skin Deep entry The Thing About Bridges, which is a play about a suicidal man who was unwittingly helped by the most unlikely chap.  I feel I did good in Bridges.  Too bad very few people saw it.  Marketing for plays seriously needs a revamp into the 21st Century.

I know that whenever I end plays I get a "crash," which I feel will never go away.  The usual cure is to work on a new play, but I am working on my novel, with a deadline in ten days, so I can't just audition now.  I need to be writing.

Even moreso, I feel bummed out that William is doing a rerun and I've not been asked to reprise.  What a let down.  I'd love to do Tj Domingo again.  I also wish I had a part in Trumpets' The Horse and His Boy by C.S. Lewis no less!  Oh, well.

So here's me wishing out to the Universe that I get back on stage soon, at the right time.

I drew the Five of Cups today, and it said it symbolized sadness, mourning, disappointment, regret, suffering, emotional adjustment.  Here is its advise:

If you're feeling sad or down today, honor those feelings.  Don't try to push them away.  Whatever loss or disappointment you've experienced lately deserves to be felt.  When you take the time to really feel your feelings, you can process them, learn from them, and then move forward, with greater self-awareness and wisdom.

The Five of Cups represents loss.  When it appears, feelings of disappointment, regret, sadness and grief are at work.  The loss suffered is of something dear to the heart.  The lesson here is that with loss also comes change, and with change, opportunity.  We can avoid loss if we avoid pursuing our heart's desire, but if we have the courage to risk loss we may also gain true fulfillment.

I thought it was apt to share that to everyone today.

RnJ Sepanx

Since Saturday night I have been dreaming I was back at Teatrino with my MSC friends Nic, Nel, Issa and Katski. One dream each friend, one night each. In each dream we were just hanging, chilling. This must be major sepanx after we closed Romeo and Juliet last Saturday night, 15 August 2015.

Not to mention that that night was the best audience we had of our limited run. The audience was so into the story, it was as if they were hanging by your arm with every beat, every breath of the play. We heard a collective gasp at Mercutio's death, we heard laughter at the funny parts, and hushed respect during the more serious scenes.

I always imagine each time I perform that I have friends and family in the audience rooting for me to do well, but that night I didn't have to worry. Luis Nieto was in the audience, and also the beautiful Anne Gauthier, both of whom I haven't seen in a while. Plus my niece, Cheska del Rosario, saw it, too.

I should start working on Niel Santiago's The Thing About Bridges which I am sharing the stage with him (the playwright) on 29 August. I plan to go all out Semiotic - Sound Sense Method here. It's a short ten-minute play, so that promises to be fun and a wonderful opportunity to be a floor plan for this acting method.

#memory #will #action Let's do this!

Heart full of love

I remember on August 7, 2015, just before the beginning of Manila Shakespeare Company's rerun of Romeo and Juliet, we were standing in the wings while Nicanor Campos was introducing the show, how my heart was so full of love I thought I would burst.

I still know the reason I keep doing theatre. Theatre teaches me to be present, and being present is the only real way I know to be the best human I can be.

Theatre is my religion, my deepest spirituality, and the closest I ever feel to God the Creator. I pray I'll never stop doing theatre for the rest of my life.

Our last two shows are 14 and 15 August. For tickets, call or text me at 0943 826 9497.

Something to pray for

Aside from tickets to the Idina Menzel concert in MOA, there's this.

What I find exciting is the announcement on the Rep Phils facebook page. A Master Class!

ATTENTION!!!

We're opening a MASTERCLASS!

Learn the art of acting thru the Master - Director Jaime del Mundo

May 4-31, 2015
6:00pm - 9:00pm Monday-Friday
Citrus Snap Makati

Limited slots available!!! Hurry! enroll now! For more information please call Repertory at 843-3570.

Yep! That's the post! Citrus Snap is in RCI Building. I googled the map and found it's two blocks away from Rufino. Now, two things. First, money. Second, that work schedule allows me to be off of work by four PM. If both factors fall into place, then I can join the class. I hope this works out. Calling out to the God of the Theatre!

Balik Alindog Plan 2015

It turns out the company is treating all of us employees to a whole day at Club Manila East. Time to bring out my bathing costume and surf shorts. No, sorry girls and boys, not wearing trunks. I have a diving shirt, and so I'll only need to put sunblock on the nape of my neck and my face.

I also plan to bring a thick novel and be completely antisocial, should I get bored by the water.

At any rate, I plan to get abs by 25th April, which is the day of the outing. Here's my plan.

Week One -- 29-Mar to 04-Apr
30 sit ups every day
Earth Yoga daily

Week Two -- 05-Apr to 11-Apr
40 sit ups every day
Water Yoga daily

Weeks Three and Four -- 12-Apr to 24-Apr
50 sit ups every day
Fire Yoga daily

Let's get it on!

Sidetracked

I am afraid I may have gotten sidetracked. In all the chase for good NPS scores and compliance to the business rules and all that--which is not at all a bad thing, since Saint Paul does admonish us to be good employers--I might have become satisfied with the scores. In short, being satisfied with the means and forgetting the end I had hoped to achieve.

I remembered only recently that the reason I wanted to get full-time employment was to not put pressure on the writing and the acting to put food on the table. Even moreso, the day job was supposed to provide for me tuition for singing classes, a skill I severely lack in the theatre industry.

So, I am glad I was reminded of this goal that I had: to set aside money for voice lessons. Well, I guess it's never too late to start saving.

The Manila Shakespeare Company's Romeo and Juliet

The Manila Shakespeare's Company's limited run of Romeo and Juliet is over! Our last shows were two weeks ago, and my sprain is healing nicely. Tomorrow I plan to do some gentle standing yoga poses to re-strengthen my feet and legs.

I miss acting already. Some actors are lucky to jump from one production to the other, without much time to suffer post-show depression. Not me. Good thing I have writing--which I don't need to audition for--always with me. I can write wherever. All I need is my hand and my mind. A pen and a thick notebook. I can do it anywhere.

I do plan to write down snippets of the rehearsal process and memories of the show. There's news of a possible re-run in August. Oh, I hope I don't wait that long until I perform again! Please, somebody, tell me when and where the next auditions for straight plays are!

I do know I promised myself voice lessons this summer, or as soon as I can afford them, but I haven't really been faithful to saving up for a good vocal coaching course. I really want to learn to sing. I need to learn to hear notes accurately, and every morning beginning yesterday I listen to vocalization exercises I got when we did William in PETA. Just to listen to the scales and to be able to hear and distinguish the difference in pitch is a milestone for me. I believed myself tone deaf all my life!

Here's to more theatre adventures in the near future, I hope!