It pays to listen to the signals of the Universe. For example, if you keep meeting your ex in the last few days, find out the status of your current relationship. See if you’re in danger of losing him or her and gaining another ex.
Dreams should be listened to as well. I once dreamed my father died. But I knew he wanted me to reach down into the pockets of his corpse in the coffin and get the loads of money he hid down there. I knew what the dream meant at that time and glad I heeded it.
Recently, I bumped into an ex. It’s kind of hard to avoid the person at that moment. I realize I didn’t have hard feelings on the ex. I wasn’t angry at the person. In fact I only have compassion for X.
What I realized was that I was angry at myself. I saw how I ordered my life around that person, fixing and rescheduling my days and weekends to suit X’s. I was angry at myself for playing the fool, moving mountains just to spend a little more time with X when we were still a couple.
I remember sharply the day this hit me. This was long ago. We were supposed to watch a play. I reserved our tickets, made arrangements for getting leaves from work, and planned to stay out to the wee hours of the night in Taumbayan. Taumbayan is a bar where theater actors hang out. I thought it’d be interesting to go there after watching the play.
On that day, hours before our date, I learned my date wasn’t having a good time. A series of events caused agitated my date. I thought to call off the theater date, but hoped that maybe, if we have a good time in the theater, it would make up for the sour day my date had. My date’s reply was that yes, we’ll still go.
While waiting at our rendezvous, and after unreplied messages and unanswered calls, I got worried. Boy, how bad was it?
Finally, I got the dignity of a BBM: “I’m not in the mood to watch anymore.”
Now, under the circumstances this was perfectly understandable. The person was having a bad day and I didn’t want to impose. But then it hit me:
In the relationship I bended over backwards for this person, and just for a “mood” your date wouldn’t show. For a mood. That’s all I was worth. If the mood was not right, then there’s no seeing me.
I recalled the many times when I was tired, hungry, fraught, and yet still showed up when we agreed to. And here I was, being dumped for a mood.
People, beware. You teach people who to treat you by how you treat yourself. I did the only thing that would save my self-respect: I walked out on the relationship.
This is not to say I didn’t try to wheedle my way back in. I tried texting, asking if we can talk it out. Then I realize, if we do get back together, I will forever be at the mercy of that person’s mood.
When marriage vows are exchanged, couples do not say, “I feel” or “I will” or “Yeah… yeah…” The say, “I do.” That means loving no matter what your mood is. You want to find a person who sees you for your worth and would move mountains for you just as you would for them. You want a person who knows the value of commitment.
For example, I remember Jeff going to Cambodia because he made a commitment. No matter if he was going there with an ex who hurt him. It was a commitment and it was meant to be kept. That’s the kind of person you want to be with. (Right, Geli?) You don’t want someone who will drop you depending on their current mood.
