Cherish the hard questions

You have to cherish the hardest questions. You have to cherish the friend that asks you these questions. That friend is true, and loyal, and has a sharp eye. Value that friend.

Sometimes it takes asking the hard questions before life stirs you. It takes facing the hard facts, the difficult truth, the one you don't like to face and hide your face from, for the phoenix to realize it has been laying dormant in ashes for so long and it's now time for rebirth.

There's so many ways to hide from these questions. Nicotine. Alchohol. Destructive sex. Chatting. The internet. TV, watching gyrating women in noontime shows giving false hopes to the impoverished. Listening to celebrities talk about the lives of other celebrities in gossip shows. Hanging out with people you secretly dislike but need to distract you from taking the necessary path to wellness. These people tell you lies: "Okay lan yan, pare!"

"Tagay muna!"

"Me ganon?! Kailangan pa bang i-memorize yan?"

"Like hello?! Don't say that! At least you're not like so-and-so," and so, instead of facing the fact that you have money problems and increasing debt, you compare yourself to one of your officemates who is a single mother of three and struggles to make ends meet. "I mean, hindi nga sya makabili ng disenteng damit, `di ba?" your destructive friend would say. So you purchase an extra pair of shirts and shoes you don't need to clog your already full closet in the hopes that designer clothes can buy you self-esteem. Never mind that you can only pay the minimum P500.00 in your credit card bill. Never mind that you are afraid to answer the phone because it might be the collectors again. At least your friends would think you are well-off.

"Wow, bago sapatos! Iba ka na talaga, `di ka na ma-reach," they say. You glitter with the compliment but to prove them wrong, you reach into your wallet and buy them another round of drinks so you keep them close. "Naks, naman! Yan ang gusto ko sa'yo! Di ka nagbabago!"

These are poisonous people. They don't want you to change for your own good. They don't want you to change because they want to keep you useable, for their ends.

"Alam mo, true love yan. Eh ano kung pareho kayo ng gender? Basta, I am happy for you that you have found the one." This is said with a smile on their lips, but they never say anything about men and women who have thrown their lives away chasing a sexuality that goes against God's design, and feeling utterly alone and suffering the consequences of their sin even in their old age. So you see a matrona in his 80s, wearing make-up and tattooed eyebrows, walking down the street. You sneer "May asim pa ang Lola mo!" and miss to see the sadness in their eyes.

"Sexual preference mo iyan, ano bang pakialam ng iba?" ... and boom! You are convinced.

"Naku, kalimutan mo na yang ex mo na yan. May papakilala ako sa'yo. Papa!" ... and as soon as you succumb you begin the cycle of destructive relationships again, knowing well that the person only wants you for your body or your money and will leave you as soon as someone comes along who is sexier and wealthier.

"Guys, let's meet on this. What can we do to solve this problem?" says your patweetums sycophant colleague, and then he goes off and steals your ideas to make him appear brilliant. You are glad that it was your idea that saved the day, but you seethe in the sidelines knowing someone else took the credit for it. But because your colleague is patweetums and super-friendly to you, you keep a smile on your face.

"Tagay pa, p're! Hina mo naman!" says your newfound officemates as you blow your first paycheck in a beer house. Never mind that you have to drive home. Never mind that there's bills to pay and a family to provide for.

You block and you block yourself from the clarity you need to heal. A doctor can never fully help you unless he makes the correct diagnosis. And a doctor asks questions.

For once, be hard on yourself. Face the difficult questions. Deal with the discomfort. Remember that at first flush, going sane feels like going crazy.

Hard questions are those that force you to come up with the answer, the bedrock truth. No one needs to shove that truth down your throat. Simply own up to these questions and you realize the answers are there.

"What's the payoff you get for remaining in that destructive relationship?"

"Do you really need a boyfriend to be happy?"

"Exactly how much are you making each week? How much are you spending? Can you simplify your lifestyle?"

"Is that the best use of your time today?"

"Have you prayed about it?"

"What does the Bible say about your current situation?"

"How healthy is your diet? How often did you exercise this week?"

"When will you start taking good care of yourself?"

"How much longer will you wallow in self-pity and not move to better your situation?"

"Didn't you talk to me about this over a year ago? Haven't you done something about it?"

"How has your worrying helped you get closer to solving the problem?"