Some memories...
I auditioned for a play but received the sad news a few days later. The dreaded, "Thank you for auditioning. Unfortunately…"
And then, the unexpected, "Would you consider teaching an acting class for the cast?"
I said Yes before I could think about it. What? No room for bitterness? Am I St. Rico all of a sudden. No. I didn’t think. I just plunged.
I am still at a fight with our old landlady, although now my claws are sheathed and my fangs unbared. I think I would rather try this fight some other way. And the suggestion, the brilliant idea, came as I prayed, and then sat in stillness. It may have been a whisper from God.
I had a wonderful email from my Dad today about how his two biggest bosses, the ultimate honchos, asked him to stay longer at the company, that they liked his work, that he is precise, clean, and hard working. Dad told me that on his deathbed I should tell him a version of that story, too: mine. I dunno if I’m ready to plunge into full-time corporate employment yet. What I really want to do now is…
To read novels. And to write one. And in the process, become a better actor. Sure, I won’t neglect my daily yoga. It keeps me limber and my breath capacity in check. But I am, as of now, an out-of-work actor/writer. How could I impress my Dad?
Veck and Dana went to Propee’s birthday. Propee is a giant violet whale and is the mascot of Propan TLC multivitamins for kids. Every year they throw a giant bash, and each year bigger than the last. Veck told me when they got home that we didn’t win the 32-inch LED TV at the raffle.
But I was more interested to know that Tara and Arkin were in the corporate show, singing and dancing and acting. Was there a twinge of envy? I’m not sure. I’m not a musical theatre actor. I don’t have a singing voice.
But if I don’t even pass auditions for straight plays, what am I? If all I’m asked is to teach acting workshops, have I become that joke: Those who can’t, teach?
Still, today, after yoga, meditation and writing, I get all this story ideas swimming in my head. I plan to read more books this week, and maybe trick myself into writing.
Tomorrow I meet with NxtGen to rehearse for teaching acting demo for CCF Makati. Hope the weather will be clement, but the real question I want to ask myself is: "What do I want to do with my life?"
I want to write fiction and act on the stage. Next question: how? I need to conquer my own cowardice. Again, how?
I guess I have the rest of my life to find out. Thanks for listening.
09 February 2016
07 February 2016
More on the morning pages
A lot of morning pages really involves preparing the body, priming the mind. If you listened to Julia's video talk on the morning pages, you'll notice she said that the simple act of dumping negativity on the page clears the mind so they don't eddy through your mind for the rest of the day. I agree with that completely.
Morning pages is a great clearing exercise, but it really does more than that. See, what about days when you feel really clear, and the mind is silent? Do you skip the pages? Julia's structure is three pages (not back-to-back), so what about those days when there's just too much to write about. Can you do four? Five?
Julia herself admitted to writing beyond three pages at certain moments of her life when she needed more guidance than usual, when the looming problem just overshadowed her sense of peace and serenity. But she has also always advised sticking to three pages.
She also advises writing them by hand. Not using your smartphone or iPad or keyboard, but by hand. I do them by hand, but I won't stop you if you would rather use your computer. Each has its own separate benefits. Typewriting is faster, but sometimes, if you misspell a word, MS Word, or whatever software you use, will alert you via a squiggly red line. Now the point of the morning pages is not to care about grammar or spelling. The point is just to let it all out, and write while the inner editor is still too groggy to comment.
I ask you to experiment with the morning pages. They are an effective form of meditation. It forces you to be honest. If you gripe on continually for several days for three pages each on a particular person or situation, somehow the pages have a way of illuminating a perfect solution for you. So the morning pages have a way of changing one's life, three pages at a time. And often the advice you get from the morning pages are exactly what you need to do, even though they seem sometimes a bit too far-fetched or off the wall.
Tell me what you think of the morning pages. Are you willing to try writing them? Have you been writing them but fallen out of habit? Try it for twenty-one days. Set your alarm clock a little earlier than usual so you won't be late for work or school, then write three pages, then stop. take a breath, and then go on with your day.
Morning pages is a great clearing exercise, but it really does more than that. See, what about days when you feel really clear, and the mind is silent? Do you skip the pages? Julia's structure is three pages (not back-to-back), so what about those days when there's just too much to write about. Can you do four? Five?
Julia herself admitted to writing beyond three pages at certain moments of her life when she needed more guidance than usual, when the looming problem just overshadowed her sense of peace and serenity. But she has also always advised sticking to three pages.
She also advises writing them by hand. Not using your smartphone or iPad or keyboard, but by hand. I do them by hand, but I won't stop you if you would rather use your computer. Each has its own separate benefits. Typewriting is faster, but sometimes, if you misspell a word, MS Word, or whatever software you use, will alert you via a squiggly red line. Now the point of the morning pages is not to care about grammar or spelling. The point is just to let it all out, and write while the inner editor is still too groggy to comment.
I ask you to experiment with the morning pages. They are an effective form of meditation. It forces you to be honest. If you gripe on continually for several days for three pages each on a particular person or situation, somehow the pages have a way of illuminating a perfect solution for you. So the morning pages have a way of changing one's life, three pages at a time. And often the advice you get from the morning pages are exactly what you need to do, even though they seem sometimes a bit too far-fetched or off the wall.
Tell me what you think of the morning pages. Are you willing to try writing them? Have you been writing them but fallen out of habit? Try it for twenty-one days. Set your alarm clock a little earlier than usual so you won't be late for work or school, then write three pages, then stop. take a breath, and then go on with your day.
06 February 2016
Every day preparation tools #1: Morning pages
I want to start a series talking about some preparatory exercises that I aim to do every day that help my acting. Notice that I say I aim to do them daily. I don't. To do them daily and regularly is my ideal. If I fail to do them, I feel bad, out of place, but I've learnt not to berate myself when I fail to do my morning pages. As Natalie Goldberg sagely said, "No one lives to her full potential."
Julia Cameron talks about her version of the morning pages here. For her, it's three pages, stream-of-consciousness, first thing in the morning. Then the next morning, write another three. No one is supposed to read your pages. They are supposed to be a psychological safe place for you to write freely about anything and everything going through your head as soon as you wake up. Your complaints about your boss, your worries about your spouse or child, your joy at life's surprises, everything has a place within the space of three pages.
Do the morning pages whether you feel like it or not, whether you think they're working for you or not, whether you love them or not. Just get up, reach for your pen and notebook, and write. Write on bond paper size (8 1/2 by 11) or a large notebook. Wake up earlier if you have to, or else you'll have to catch up and write during lunch hour or on the commute. But first thing in the morning is best.
Do not reread your morning pages, at least for two months. Try this exercise. I'll continue to write more about the morning pages on succeeding posts.
Julia Cameron talks about her version of the morning pages here. For her, it's three pages, stream-of-consciousness, first thing in the morning. Then the next morning, write another three. No one is supposed to read your pages. They are supposed to be a psychological safe place for you to write freely about anything and everything going through your head as soon as you wake up. Your complaints about your boss, your worries about your spouse or child, your joy at life's surprises, everything has a place within the space of three pages.
Do the morning pages whether you feel like it or not, whether you think they're working for you or not, whether you love them or not. Just get up, reach for your pen and notebook, and write. Write on bond paper size (8 1/2 by 11) or a large notebook. Wake up earlier if you have to, or else you'll have to catch up and write during lunch hour or on the commute. But first thing in the morning is best.
Do not reread your morning pages, at least for two months. Try this exercise. I'll continue to write more about the morning pages on succeeding posts.
02 February 2016
How to lose tact in thirty seconds
I remember being at a reading once some time ago. I couldn't quite understand the play, and I did not have the opportunity to read it beforehand. The playwright/director emailed it to everyone in the cast but for some Gmail malfunction I didn't get it. So, in effect, I was reading it cold, though I wasn't the only one among that reading cast doing so.
After the reading, there was applause, I felt the excitement of fellow actors, although, because of the half-hearted reading of less committed actors in the circle, I lost got lost in some bits of the plot. Anyhow, the good thing about all this is, I have a copy of the script now and I can read through it again and do my analysis.
The reason the playwright/director called us for this reading is that he is also hoping that we shall become the workshop cast, and eventually, the actual cast when his play gets staged. This is exciting. I'm not the most in demand of actors and so I don't always get to originate a role, and the one I got assigned to read is one hefty, block, mammoth, boulder of a role. I mean it.
Now in that reading one fellow actor commented that the character assigned to them (OED says I can use them now as a singular, and I want to sorta camouflage this actor's gender) was phlegmatic, and if allowed, the actor would like to make certain changes.
My thoughts, though unexpressed because I never stick my nose in other people's businesses:
a) it's going to be workshopped anyway, so why make decisions based on the first reading? You are given time to explore the character, make informed choices, try them out at rehearsal. Why dismiss the character already as "phlegmatic?" Did you want more stage time? Exposure? Is that serving the story or just your own career as an actor?
b) that's really one way to insult a playwright, to call their character a non-mover, as if you alone know objective truth and that's just not your opinion. Is it not better to ask the playwright if he thinks the character does nothing in the play, really, at all?
c) adjusting a character to suit your own personal judgments and limitations as an actor hinders any growth opportunity for the actor, period. The theater is the greatest classroom where we learn from the playwright's words and the character's eyes just what it means to be human in this world, but to avoid exploring the playwright's intentions and vision for the play and the characters, to pass a summary prejudiced indictment at a character assigned to you as a phlegmatic, to refuse to explore possibilities within the text without needless tampering with it, is for me plain laziness and egotism.
The five of swords in the tarot warns us that the need to win and be proven right may be self-gratifying, and that's all. It may just be ego-based stubbornness. I write this bit about the tarot's advice because in all these things I may be wrong, I may have misunderstood my fellow actor's intentions, the playwright/director has been to my knowledge cool with it. And it's not my business.
I just have more respect for actors who respect other people's works, and not just fellow actors', but playwrights' and directors' opinions.
After the reading, there was applause, I felt the excitement of fellow actors, although, because of the half-hearted reading of less committed actors in the circle, I lost got lost in some bits of the plot. Anyhow, the good thing about all this is, I have a copy of the script now and I can read through it again and do my analysis.
The reason the playwright/director called us for this reading is that he is also hoping that we shall become the workshop cast, and eventually, the actual cast when his play gets staged. This is exciting. I'm not the most in demand of actors and so I don't always get to originate a role, and the one I got assigned to read is one hefty, block, mammoth, boulder of a role. I mean it.
Now in that reading one fellow actor commented that the character assigned to them (OED says I can use them now as a singular, and I want to sorta camouflage this actor's gender) was phlegmatic, and if allowed, the actor would like to make certain changes.
My thoughts, though unexpressed because I never stick my nose in other people's businesses:
a) it's going to be workshopped anyway, so why make decisions based on the first reading? You are given time to explore the character, make informed choices, try them out at rehearsal. Why dismiss the character already as "phlegmatic?" Did you want more stage time? Exposure? Is that serving the story or just your own career as an actor?
b) that's really one way to insult a playwright, to call their character a non-mover, as if you alone know objective truth and that's just not your opinion. Is it not better to ask the playwright if he thinks the character does nothing in the play, really, at all?
c) adjusting a character to suit your own personal judgments and limitations as an actor hinders any growth opportunity for the actor, period. The theater is the greatest classroom where we learn from the playwright's words and the character's eyes just what it means to be human in this world, but to avoid exploring the playwright's intentions and vision for the play and the characters, to pass a summary prejudiced indictment at a character assigned to you as a phlegmatic, to refuse to explore possibilities within the text without needless tampering with it, is for me plain laziness and egotism.
The five of swords in the tarot warns us that the need to win and be proven right may be self-gratifying, and that's all. It may just be ego-based stubbornness. I write this bit about the tarot's advice because in all these things I may be wrong, I may have misunderstood my fellow actor's intentions, the playwright/director has been to my knowledge cool with it. And it's not my business.
I just have more respect for actors who respect other people's works, and not just fellow actors', but playwrights' and directors' opinions.
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